Wednesday, March 28, 2012

an exciting day

An exciting day
Though it was only 7 in the morning, the couple were already sweaty in the hot sun. They left the hotel before sunrise to escape questions from the inquisitive villagers. They reached the base of the Erannana Betta, a squatish sort of rocky mountain in a short while and had begun the ascent just as the sun turned from red to yellow.
The only sounds were of the birds chirping in the distance as they left their nests and the rustle of the leaves in the breeze. Climbing up, the couple were startled by pieces of brown rock seemingly coming to life and disappearing into the crevices. These turned out to be brown lizards, basking in the sun on the  rocks, invisible until they slithered away as the climbers approached.
The couple were busy with their thoughts. Both were glad to get away from the Canadian winter and be here in the India. Venky needed a break from his work; he wanted a break from people who came to him constantly with trivial problems; he wanted to get away from people and enjoy some solitude. But solitude was an exaggeration. Venky was a social creature and never sought to be alone. He wanted someone around…be they his wife Anitha, his friends or his family.
 Anitha thought of the abandoned temple at the top of the mountain and excitedly hoped to find something worthwhile in there. She had come armed with a metal detector, torch and even a small pickaxe to dig if needed. She knew that priests in olden days had buried gold under the temples to keep God’s wealth safe from the marauding Moghul invaders. The childish fantasies she had of treasure hunting stoked by the books she had read, still haunted her imagination.
Venky was excited about his new wide angle lens and wondered how many good shots he could get before the sunlight became too intense for good photos. He knew that this mountain had lots to offer. Dramatic views of the emerald green fields below, soaring eagles in the blue skies, massive boulders and if he was lucky, some wild life too.
Suddenly, he froze in his tracks…he had heard a sudden soft hiss. Paralyzed with terror, he saw   a  snake raise  it’s hood  with lightning swiftness, remain still for a second with hood upright, then  slither away with equal speed.  Hoarse with fear, he croaked, “Watch out!” Anitha, turned and just caught a glimpse of the fleeing cobra’s tail. She was not sure what she saw but was shocked by the dread in Venky’s face.
Unnerved, they stopped for a drink and rest. Shaken, by the encounter with the deadly reptile, Venky started talking voluminously; the chatter would scare away any other reptiles in their path, he hoped. The path got steeper as they climbed; they gripped the rocks for support but the rocks were already too hot in the blazing sun. They wanted support but din’t dare grip the strong but thorny bushes clinging to the path.
They wished they had dressed more suitably for this climb.
They reached the summit by ten O’ clock. The sun beat down on them and sweat poured off their backs. However the strong breeze was cool and refreshing. Weak-kneed, they lay on the ground, looking at the blue sky over them. The sunlight, bounced off the whitewashed walls of the temple and dazzled their eyes while the inside of the temple seemed like a deep, dark rectangular hole.
Sipping a little of the delicious though warm coconut water, they walked into the temple. Unsure whether to enter with the shoes on, or leave the shoes outside, they poked their heads into the temple’s doorway. Walking inside a temple with shoes is blasphemous for sure ! But who knows which scary creature may be crawling around on the temple floor!
The floor was dusty and cool. Spiders and lizards scampered away at their approach. Venky aimed his camera and excitedly told Anitha, not to move. He wanted to capture, the lizards crawling over the neglected & dusty stone idols, a rare sight. Anitha, impatient to explore the temple, asked him to hurry and started unpacking her gear.
Just as they were exploring the outer periphery of the temple, Venky came across a terrifying sight. Behind the temple, under the lone Honge tree, the couple came across a blood curdling fight between two natural enemies, the cobra and the mongoose. This was not the usual fight one sees in fairs where a captive mongoose fought with a captive and defanged snake but a real fight in the wild jungle!
The cobra hissed and quickly slithered forward, hood upright and struck at the mongoose. The mongoose, quicker, drew back, just out of reach of the cobra. The cobra, hood upright, struck again at the mongoose and the mongoose moved back only to jump forward on the cobra’s back and grab it’s neck. The snake encircled the mongoose in it’s coils for a few seconds but the mongoose came out of the coils and bit the cobra’s back again.
Anitha watched the fight, mesmerized by the fury, speed and deadly strikes of the snake and the equal fury, speed and agility of the mongoose. The two fighters fought on, oblivious to the humans watching their bloody duel. The couple realized this would not be a fight unto death as the snake nor the mongoose would give in.
Anitha, who had come out of trance by now, could not bear to think that either one will die. She gathered sand in her hands and threw it at the fighters with a shrill scream. The bloodied snake slithered away into the bushes.  The mongoose  gave one startled look at the 2 people, and quickly disappeared. For a brief, bitter moment, Venky rued that he had not captured a movie of this rarely seen fight but was ecstatic with the several photos he got.
It was time to explore the temple and the surroundings but Anitha was too scared and excitable to do anything now! She stepped fearfully on the grass, looking out for snakes and scorpions. Anitha held Venky’s arms tightly and refused to let go. They decided to have their lunch and rest; they needed to get their heart rate down before embarking on any other adventure.  They unpacked the lemon rice and curds rice and served it onto the banana leaves they had purchased from a farmer in the village. ‘Did you see the way the mongoose attacked the head of the cobra? ‘Venky asked. ‘Yes. My God! The mongoose was so damn bold and crazy…going after the cobra like that!’, Anitha exclaimed. Both were awed by the courage of the mongoose and admired it’s tenacity in going after the deadly cobra. Both agreed that the cobra was scary and gave them the creeps.
Eating the rest of the lunch in silence they watched the scene before them …the vast green land below and blue sky above with fluffy white clouds floating around. They could feel the cool gentle breeze fanning their faces and hear the distant chirping of the birds, palm leaves rustling in the wind and of course the ubiquitous trucks & buses. Venky nervously glanced around several times, half expecting the snake to return!
 I wish we could stay here forever’, Anitha told Venky. “Mmm. Yes. This place is so cut off from people. We could buy this mountain and build a small house here. Why build a house? We could live in the temple! You can paint and photograph daily while I write my novel” replied Anitha. Both laughed at this idea.
They were thinking of the glorious fight they had just witnessed. He thought of the photos he had taken and she was grateful that she did not have to see either of the two brave creatures die. Thoughts floated in and out of their minds like unbidden guests wandering around. This simple curds rice tastes so good !
 Is it because of the air? Or because we are hungry after that long climb? If we lived here, would we have cell phone reception? But why do I want a cell phone? Why not live here, in peace, cut off from the world? One can go to visit people when one needs them. Why do I need people anyway? To buy food? Can I live without tv, people, phones, books, work, friends…How long can I stay here before I get bored? One day? One week? What does one need to be happy?
Each thought that came into their minds chased away the previous thought and they sat, leaning against the temple wall, in companionable silence.
“Come on. Help me.”, Anitha asked, as she washed her hands and threw the empty banana leaves away. Venky grinned. He did not believe in the treasure which she had come up here for. He decided against teasing her, knowing she could take only a few seconds of teasing before she would lose her cool. “All right. Pass that here” he said and fixed the batteries into the metal detector. He knew they would have to descend in a few hours.  Descent from the hill, in the dark was unthinkable. He did not want to meet another snake, especially, in the dark! He had had enough snakes for one day!
But he also knew that Anitha was stubborn and would not come down, until she found something! He gave an exasperated sigh. He was raring to go home to his computer and check his photos and was impatient about this hunt for a ‘treasure’, he did not believe, existed. But he kept mum, knowing she would fly into a rage and accuse him of being selfish, if he suggested leaving now…  “You got photos which is what you wanted. And you want to leave; but what about me…I have to get something too.” Venky loved his wife but was terrified of her temper!
Anitha slowly passed her metal detector over every inch of space in and around the temple. Nary a peep out of the machine. Sweat rolled off her face and underarms, She was thankful for the balmy coolness she felt when the wind entered her loose cotton shirt. She listened intently for the beep as she swept the metal detector around. Venky followed her, also listening. We should have brought one more detector and saved time, said Anitha. Too late now, replied Venky.
Venky asked,  “Hey. What if the treasure is not metal? What if it is stone carvings? What if it is palm leaf books? Your detector wont detect”.  Anitha snapped. She knew, he did not share her romance about buried treasure and this had always irked her. She wished she could find something today to prove him wrong. But also knew the chances were pretty slim. Bringing the metal detector was only wishful thinking. Deep down in her heart, she knew, the odds of finding anything worthwhile were remote. Yet she hoped. She had heard since childhood, stories of her uncles finding silver coins in mud walls, gold ornaments buried in pots in fields and she hoped she too would find something some day. THIS DAY!
Then they both heard a soft peep. She was not sure if she imagined it and ran the detector on the same spot a second time. This time too the sound was faint but unmistakable. Her heart beat faster and she ran to get the pickax. He smiled and prayed, that after an hour of digging, she  would not end up with  some rusty old nails! He did not want to see her disappointed yet knew that finding treasure in this mountain, outside the poor, drought stricken village of Vaderalli was impossible. When the villagers have been poor for generations, what treasure is there to bury?
The ground was hard and Anitha wanted to pour their bottled water on the ground, to make it easier to dig. Venky firmly refused. He took the pickax from her and started digging. After making a hole, two feet deep they saw a muddy cotton bag, crumbling with several holes in it. Anitha excitedly, tugged at the bag and the cloth gave way completely. The bag had a dark & heavy  metal statue of Narasimha,. Anitha was grinning triumphantly with a ‘I told you’ look in her smile. Both gazed at the statue with joy and wonder. It was beautifully carved with exquisite detailing of the jewels, claws, mane of hair and clothes of the deity; the Lakshmi in Narashima’s lap was dainty with a slim waist, and  a beautiful face. It seemed to be carved in the Chola style. Venky guessed it must be at least a few hundred years old.
‘To whom does this statue belong? This is a Shiva temple and how can a Narashima statue be buried here? Do you think someone stole it? Do you think it belongs to the priest or somebody else? Who lugged it all the way up the mountain? How long do you think it has been buried here?’ Venky and Anitha babbled the questions at each other for which neither knew the answers. Anitha took the statue out and tried digging deeper in case, there was more inside. Venky asked her to stop being greedy. She then held the metal detector over the hole but there was no further beeps from the machine.
The discovery of this statue on the top of this remote mountain was a mystery to both. Who on earth owned this statue? The farmers in the village below were followers of Narashima but it was unlikely anyone of them would own statue. The farmers generally had  a cheap photo of the God Narashima nailed to a wall in their houses. The village priest was a Smarta Brahmin and a poor one at that. He was a follower of Shiva and so this statue could not belong to his family. The richest landlord in the village was certainly not religious and he was the type who would buy more land with his money or spend his money on women and drinks than on a statue.
What if the statue was buried by someone from outside this village, they wondered. But who would climb this little known mountain and bury this here? And why? Maybe the statue belonged to the Narashima temple in the village and for some reason, had been taken out and buried at the top of the hill. But how to find out more about the statue without revealing that they had found it? And whom do you ask? The villagers were mostly illiterate and did not know much about their own ancestors, let alone, the history of their village or it’s temple. There was little information about the background of this tiny village in any of the government documents too. The origin of this statue continued to puzzle them.
  Anitha was keen on taking this statue for herself but was also torn by her conscience. She felt she should make at least a small effort to find the rightful owner of this statue. She also knew how deeply disappointed she would be if she did find the rightful owner and had to give it up!
They had to try & find the rightful owner quietly. They knew how people would swoop down on them, claiming the statue, if they let out even one peep about this discovery! They were not cynical but knew how millions of antiques from India had been robbed by the very people who were supposed to care for them…the government departments such as the police, the archeology depts. Even the temple trusts had been involved in antique smuggling.
They packed their things and got ready to descend. Anitha carefully packed the statue in her bag and asked Venky to swear to secrecy. She had already grown attached to it and considered it her own. Venky said, ‘You are the one who can’t keep a secret. I bet you will blab about it to the first person we meet’. Anitha disagreed . If she had to shut up about the most exciting thing she had ever found in her life, so be it, she thought.
Venky felt sorry for Anitha. He knew how much she loved to talk and keeping quiet about this wonderful find, would be torture for her! She had been dreaming of finding buried treasure ever since she was a ten year old reading adventures and now to shut up when she found a buried treasure …it was awful !Anitha was quiet on the way down. She already felt crushed by the weight of her secret.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

MY FAVORITES AND SOURCES OF HAPPINESS

  • GOOSEBUMP GIVING FAVORITES:

  • BUMPING INTO THE PERSON YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON, ON THE STREET !
  • YOUR CRUSH GIVING YOU A COMPLIMENT!
  • KNOWING THAT YOUR CRUSH HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!

  • EATING FAVORITES:
  • EATING A FAVORITE DISH WHEN I AM REALLY REALLY HUNGRY.
  •  INDIAN SWEETS.
  • VOBATTU
  • MISHRA PEDA/DHARWAD PEDA
  • SALTED BOILED PEANUTS AND BOILED AVAREKAI.
  •  BAS SAARU WITH MUDDE.
  • HOT RICE WITH CHUTNEY PUDI(MY RECIPE CHUTNEYPUDI) AND GHEE
  •  VOBBATINA SAARU.
  • CHAPATI WITH HURALIKAALU HULI.
  • VIDHYARTI BHAVAN MASALA DOSA AND CHUTNEY.
  • KOKILA’S MUTTON BIRYANI.
  • IS-KID-BE-LE SARU WITH MUDDE AND TUPPA
  • DWARKA BHAVAN'S SET DOSE
  • HAVING LOTS OF HOT SPICY FOOD WITH COLD BEER ON A HOT DAY AFTER A LONG WALK AND THEN GOING TO SLEEP.
  • BONELESS CHICKEN BIRYANI FROM LAHORE TIKKA OF TORONTO, CANADA
  • CHICKEN SAARU AND MUDDE
  • CHOCOLATES
  • CAKES
  • CROISSANTS
  • BENNE BISCUITS FROM GANDHI BAZAR BAKERIES (BENNE MEANS BUTTER)
  • DRINKING
  • CHAMPANGE.
  • SAPOTA AND CUSTARD APPLE MILKSHAKES FROM GANESHA JUICE CENTRE IN  GANDHI BAZAR, BANGALORE.
  •  MANGO AND BANANA MILKSHAKES.
  • TENDER WATER OF COCONUT.
  • MOJITOS ON A HOT DAY.
  • SOUTH INDIAN FILTER COFFEE
  • MASALA TEA
  • HAIR OF THE DOG COCKTAIL IN A PUB IN CHURCH STREET CALLED HAIR OF THE DOG
  • PERFUMES AND AROMAS AND SCENTS:
  • SMELL OF RAIN ON EARTH.
  • SMELL OF FLOWERS SUCH AS JASMINE OR SAMPIGE AND HERBAL PLANTS  SUCH AS MARGA IN THE GARDEN.
  • SMELL OF LOVELY PERFUMES, SOME FOODS, SMELL OF SPRING
  • A CLEAN NON-SMELLY TOILET IS SOMETHING I TAKE FOR GRANTED IN CANADA WHERE I LIVE. BUT IN INDIA, A CLEAN NON-SMELLY TOILET WAS A WONDER WHICH MADE ME HAPPY AND GRATEFUL AND SLIGHTLY SAD WHEN I HAD 'FINISHED' AND HAD TO EXIT!
  • SMELL OF BAKING(BUT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO  THE SMELL OF BAKING CAN NAUSEATE ME)
  • SMELL OF PINEWOOD SHAVINGS, CEDARWOOD, SANDLEWOOD
  • SMELL OF SOME FOODS, ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM  HUNGRY! 
  • SMELL OF COFFEE IN THE MORNING WHEN I WAKE UP.
FAVORITE COLOURS:
 RED
EMERALD GREEN
MUSTARD YELLOW.
TURQUOISE BLUE

VISUAL AND AUDITORY PLEASURES:
  • LISTENING TO FAVORITE SONGS.
  • WATCHING VIDEOS OF MY FAVORITE SONGS ON MTV/VEVO.
  • WATCHING FAVORITE MOVIES AND TELEVISION SHOWS
  • AN EXCITING OR FUNNY MOVIE IN A THEATRE
  • WHEN A RARELY HEARD FAVORITE SONG COMES ON RADIO UNEXPECTEDLY. THE SONGS FROM TELGU MOVIE MAROCHARITRA GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS WHEN IT CAME ON RADIO UNEXPECTEDLY! WE DID NOT OWN THE RECORD OR CASSETTE PLAYERS AND HAD TO DEPEND ON RADIO ONLY FOR THE SONGS...I WAS LITERALLY WAITING LIKE A BEGGAR!
  • WATCHING PEOPLE DANCE.
  • WATCHING A GOOD SINGER SING A FAVORITE AT YOUR REQUEST.
  • A PLEASURE I TAKE FOR GRANTED IN CANADA IS THE PLEASURE OF 'NOT-BEING-FORCED-TO-HEAR-CARNATIC-CLASSICAL-MUSIC! In India, I was forced to listen to Carnatic classical and devotional songs which poured into my unwilling ears from the speakers on the street and neighbour's radios.
  •  THE SOUND OF SILENCE is a wonderful pleasure I get in Canada. After living in noisy India, I have come to appreciate the preciousness of silence in Canada. Sleeping in my cousin's home, which is in a sort of gated community in Missassuaga , one can hear oneself breathe in the night! It's so silent. No traffic, no noisy neighbour's TV or radio blaring when you are trying to sleep, no loudspeakers blaring Gajamukana Ganapathi-ye, ni-na-ge, vandane...on religious holidays. 
  • The SOUNDS OF NATURE are sometimes quite enjoyable such as the wind, breeze rustling through the leaves, some birds, etc.
  • SOUND OF THE COPPERSMITH IN THE PEEPUL TREES AT KADUMALLESHWARA TEMPLE IN THE SILENT, SUNNY LAZY AFTERNOONS. THE SOUND OF THE KOEL, OUTSIDE MY HOME IN YELAHANKA AROUND 4.30AM, JUST BEFORE THE VEHICLE NOISES STARTED. 
  • BABIES LAUGHING IS ONE OF THE MOST DELIGHTFUL SOUNDS IN THE WORLD...TO EVERYONE I THINK.
  • THE SOUND OF SILVER ANKLETS ON A BABY(ANKLETS ON BABIES ANKLES  IS AN INDIAN/HINDU CUSTOM). THE SOUND OF SILVER ANKLETS ON A BABY WHEN IT'S CRAWLING, WALKING, RUNNING...IS A JOYFUL SOUND. I LOVE THIS SOUND ESPECIALLY WHEN THE BABY IS PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK AND IT HAS NO IDEA THAT IT'S ANKLETS GIVE IT AWAY. ALSO, THE SOUND OF THESE ANKLETS WHEN THE PARENT RETURNS HOME FROM WORK AND THE BABY RUNS TOWARD THE PARENT IS A SOUND WHICH WILL BANISH ALL THE GLOOM IN THE WORLD!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        THE SOUND OF MY CAT'S FEET AS IT COMES UP THE STAIRS.                                         MY CAT EATING FROM A BOWL.THE SOUND OF HIM CHEWING ON THE PELLETS AND TRYING TO CATCH THE PELLET FALLEN OFF THE BOWL ON THE FLOOR. THE SOUND OF THE PELLET SLIPPING AWAY AS HE TRIES TO CATCH IT ...BASICALLY, WHEN YOU LOVE SOMETHING, EVERY SOUND IT MAKES, EVERYTHING IT DOES LOOKS AND SOUNDS WONDERFUL!



BODILY PLEASURES: 
  • BOUNCING IN YOUR SEAT ON A  BUS WHILE RIDING ON A BUMPY ROAD DURING A LONG RIDE. THIS MAKES SOME PEOPLE SICK!
  • RIDES SUCH AS GIANT WHEEL, ETC. THIS MAKES SOME PEOPLE DIZZY OR SICK.
  • THAT ONE SINGLE SECOND WHEN THE PLANE'S WHEELS LIFT OFF FROM THE EARTH. THE ONE-TWO SECONDS WHEN THE GIANT-WHEEL COMES DOWN FROM THE VERY TOP. SIMILAR SENSATIONS WHEN GOING UP A LIFT.
  • FEELING THE COOL BREEZE ON YOUR SKIN AS YOU SIT UNDER A TREE TO COOL OFF AFTER A LONG TREK ON A HOT DAY.
  • GETTING INTO A NICE BED AFTER A TIRING DAY.
  • SITTING DOWN (FOR GOOD) AFTER A LONG HIKE; TAKING OFF YOUR BOOTS WHEN YOU ARE FINALLY DONE AFTER A HARD LONG DAY'S WORK; 
  • FINDING A CLEAN, COMFORTABLE, NON-SMELLY TOILET WHEN I URGENTLY WANT TO PEE ! FEW 'RELIEFS' CAN BEAT THE RELIEF ONE GETS AFTER HOLDING THE URINE FOR 8 HOURS ON A BUS JOURNEY OR WALKING AROUND IN A PLACE WITHOUT ACCESSIBLE AND GOOD  TOILETS!
  • NOT HAVING PERIODS.
  • SCRATCHING AN ITCH.
  • TAKING OFF THE BRA WHEN I GET BACK HOME AND THE PANTS(ANYTHING WHICH FEELS TIGHT) AND SHOES AND SOCKS  IS SUCH A RELIEF AND PLEASURE ESPECIALLY AFTER A LONG DAY!
  • GETTING A MASSAGE TO RELIEVE A PAINFUL ACHE.
  • RELEASING TIGHTLY PLAITED HAIR WHEN YOU GET INTO BED AND RUBBING YOUR SCALP VIGOROUSLY..THE SCALP'S GRATITUDE AND PLEASURE OF BEING FINALLY ALLOWED TO RELAX!
  • FINALLY SUCCEEDING IN GETTING OUT THAT ELUSIVE BIT OF  FOOD,  STUCK IN-BETWEEN TEETH FOR A LONG TIME!
  • S & RELATED STUFF
  • RIDING A CAR, WATCHING THE SCENERY AND DROPPING OFF TO SLEEP AS THE WARM SUN-RAYS COME THROUGH THE GLASS .

  • There are several experiences I fail to 'ENJOY', simply because I experience them on a daily basis and also effortlessly ...I take these experiences for granted and don't 'notice' them, until they are missing.  If I did 'MINDFUL' everything, then I would notice, I would take pleasure and I would be grateful, almost every minute of the day for the thousands of things! For example, cleaning my arse with water in my bathroom.  The pleasure(or should I call it 'absence of pain' of cleaning bum with a soft toilet paper is a nice experience. But I would realize it's a 'nice' experience only if I have had the 'pain' of cleaning my bum with a cheap, rough textured toilet paper.  An even greater 'pleasure' would be washing bum with water after the toilet paper. I have access to water only at home and not in public places. I would feel 'pleasure' of washing my bum with water only when I have experienced  the 'absence of pleasure' of wiping my bum with 'rough' toilet paper  and not having water to wash my bum.
  • If I did every activity of my day, 'mindfully', then I would notice and enjoy almost every second of my day as an enjoyable favorite...eating, sleeping, reading, talking, working, playing, walking, cooking, whatever.




PLEASURES WITH PEOPLE:
  • WATCHING A TODDLER WALK OR CRAWL OR PLAY.
  • VISITING YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. OR FAMILY/ FRIENDS VISITING YOU.
  •  CHATTING.
  • FINDING THAT STRANGER ON THE BUS WHO SHARES YOUR ATTITUDES AND GETS YOU PERFECTLY.
  • SLEEPOVER AT FAVORITE COUSINS HOUSE.
  • A GOOD STORY TELLER TELLING SCARY STORIES AT BED-TIME.
  • RETURNING HOME, TIRED AFTER A TOUGH DAY.. TO FIND THE COOKING AND CLEANING ALREADY DONE BY SPOUSE!
  • GETTING GIFTS...FROM PEOPLE YOU LOVE
  • GETTING GIFTS...WHICH ARE EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED!
  • I AM USED TO MAKING TEA, EVERY MORNING FOR ME AND HUSBAND; ALSO MAKING BREAKFAST, ETC. I SIMPLY LOVE THE FACT THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL DO IT WHEN I AM ON VACATION. I LOOOVE THAT FEELING OF NOT HAVING TO DO THE CHORES!
  • GOSSIP!
  • JOKES
  • LISTENING TO A GREAT TALKER.
  • SPENDING TIME WITH SOMEONE WHO IS VERY VERY NICE BUT IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HOLD OF AS LOTS OF OTHERS ARE ALWAYS WITH THEM OR THEY ARE BUSY.

JOYS OF PETS AND CHILDREN AND PEOPLE:
YOUR DOG JOYFULLY JUMPS ALL OVER YOU, LICKS YOU, WAGS AND BARKS WHEN YOU ARRIVE HOME.
WATCHING MY CAT'S VARIOUS ANTICS! MY CAT THROWING TEMPER TANTRUMS WHEN I DON'T TAKE IT OUTSIDE, MY CAT SITTING ON MY CHEST KNEADING, MY CAT CHASING AFTER A BALL I THROW, ETC.
YOUR FAMILY'S KIDS (NEICES AND NEPHEWS) COME RUNNING TO HUG YOU WHEN YOU ARRIVE
PLAYING WITH PETS
PLAYING WITH KIDS...WHEN YOU WANT TO


PLEASURES YOU ENJOY ALONE OR IN COMPANY:
  • WRITING WHEN IDEAS ARE FLOWING IN MY BRAIN.
  • READING FAVORITE STORY BOOKS & COMICS
  • DAYDREAMING .ESPECIALLY WHEN I GET  A NEW GOOD IDEA TO DREAM ABOUT !
  • FINDING SOMETHING YOUR LOVED ONES CRAVE FOR AND PRESENTING IT TO THEM AND WATCHING THEIR JOY
  • WATCHING PLEASANT ANIMAL AND BABY VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET!
  • SLEEPING LATE.
  • YOU FEEL YOU ARE 'LOOKING GOOD' AND FEELING COMFORTABLE IN YOUR CLOTHES AND ACCESSORIES.
  • BEING HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW HAIRCUT
  • LOOKING AT YOUR PHOTO AND FEEL THAT YOU LOOK GOOD IN IT
  • GETTING GOOD NEWS LIKE: YOU OR YOUR LOVED ONES GOT A PASS IN EXAMS, JOB OFFER,  VISA, GOT TICKET TO MOVIE, SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS VISITING, 
  • FINDING A FAVORITE MISSING OBJECT.
  • BROWSING IN USED BOOK STORES AND AN ADDITIONAL PLEASURE WOULD BE FINDING AN UNEXPECTED TREASURE
  • BROWSING IN THRIFT SHOPS & GARAGE SALES; AND A BONUS WOULD BE FINDING SOMETHING YOU ALWAYS WANTED.
  • BROWSING IN BOOK STORES.
  • WINDOW SHOPPING AT DESIGNER SHOPS .
  • LOOKING AT YOUR OWN COLLECTION OF OLD COINS. STAMPS. ANTIQUES.
  • BUYING NEW CLOTHES;THAT RARE OCCASIONS WHEN THE CLOTHES FIT YOU PERFECTLY, YOU LOVE THE COLOUR, THE MATERIAL, THE DESIGN AND PRICE!
  • TRAVELLING TO NEW YORK OR BEACHES OR FAVORITE CITIES .
  • TREASURE HUNTING FOR REAL TREASURE.
  • WALKING ON BEACHES IN THE EVENINGS.(Beaches are not really my thing but I am putting it here anyway! I can spend happier hours in bed, reading or watching TV!)
  • FINDING ABANDONED BIRDS NESTS .
  • PHOTOGRAPHING.
  • WAITING FOR YOUR LOVED ONES EMAILS & LETTERS.  
  • WAITING FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND TO ARRIVE.
  • SITTING UNDER A TREE IN A FOREST, IN PRIVACY, READING.
  • RETURNING HOME FROM WORK ON FRIDAY EVENINGS  BEFORE A LONG WEEKEND.
  • SEEING ART WORK IN MUSEUMS.  
  • FINDING SOMETHING LOVELY UNEXPECTEDLY....such as a colourful and rare shell on the beach, a favorite book which you have been seeking for ages. (Note: The pleasures of finding what you want unexpectedly has been wiped away by the advent of amazon.com, ebay.com, etc...now one can find literally anything and get it from anywhere, if one has the money. )
  • RECEIVING A LOVELY HAND MADE GIFT FROM A CLOSE FRIEND LIKE A PAINTING.
  • SPOTTING ELUSIVE WILD LIFE SUCH AS SNAKES, FOXES, RARE BIRDS SUCH AS PARADISE FLY CATCHER, COLOURFUL FROGS, WILD ANIMALS SUCH AS DEER. AN ADDED BONUS WOULD BE, BEING ABLE TO PHOTOGRAPH THEM.
LEARNING: LEARNING HAS ALWAYS BEEN PAINFUL TO ME. BUT THE FEW THINGS I ENJOYED LEARNING WAS ENGLISH AND PSYCHOLOGY . I LOVED THE SUBJECTS, THE TEACHERS, THE FACT THAT I DID BETTER THAN MY CLASSMATES AND THAT THE TEACHERS NOTICED IT, I ENJOYED THE TEACHERS PRAISE OF ME. I HAVE A VERY POOR WORKING MEMORY AND ATTENTION, I AM DISTRACTABLE, HAVE JUST AVERAGE IQ AND ALL THIS MAKES LEARNING A PAINFUL PROCESS. ADD TO THIS THE HARSH TEACHERS AND TERRIBLE TEXT BOOKS OF THE  70S AND 80S, BANGALORE SCHOOLS, THE HARSH LEARNING CLIMATE AND BEING FORCED TO LEARN HINDI AND KANNADA...SCHOOL WAS TORTURE FOR ME. COLLEGE WAS TORTURE BECAUSE OF KANNADA, POLITICAL SCIENCE, HISTORY AND ECONOMICS. COLLEGE WAS PLEASURE DUE TO PSYCHOLOGY, SOCIOLOGY AND ENGLISH. I ENJOY LEARNING IF THE TEACHER IS FUN, KIND, MAKES IT INTERESTING. THE THOUGHT OF THE TEST AT THE END OF THE LEARNING IS ANOTHER THING WHICH DEPLETES MY HAPPINESS LIKE WATER IN A SIEVE.
THE THOUGHT OF EXAMS AND TESTS IS A HUGE ANXIETY PROVOKING HAPPINESS DEPLETING PAIN FOR ME. I WISH I COULD DO SOMETHING TO REDUCE MY FEAR OF EXAMS AND FEAR OF LEARNING. THE LOW SELF-ESTEEM I HAVE AROUND MY LEARNING CAPACITY DUE TO MY INATTENTION, DIS TRACTABILITY, POOR WORKING MEMORY, ETC BOTHERS ME..IS IT REALLY LOW SELF-ESTEEM OR HAVE I ESTIMATED MY SELF-WORTH ACCURATELY.


THERE ARE MANY WONDERFUL HAPPY NON-EXPERIENCES WHICH PEOPLE TAKE FOR GRANTED. I AM MENTIONING THEM HERE SO THAT I NEVER EVER BECOME ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO TAKES THINGS FOR GRANTED. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO APPRECIATE THESE HAPPY NON-EXPERIENCES, BE GRATEFUL THAT I AM ESCAPING THEM AS I AM LUCKY TO BE WHERE I AM. I WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE HAPPINESS I HAVE BY EVADING THESE EXPERIENCES. I WANT TO REMEMBER TO BE GRATEFUL AND REMEMBER TO BE HAPPY.

I AM  HAPPY THAT I DON'T FACE MOSQUITO BITES. NO MOSQUITO BITES SINCE I MOVED TO CANADA ABOUT 14 YEARS AGO.

I AM GRATEFUL AND HAPPY THAT I HAVE 24 HOUR ELECTRICITY IN CANADA. IN INDIA, BANGALORE, ELECTRICITY IS NEVER CONTINUOUS BUT INTERMITTENT.  LIFE COMES TO A STANDSTILL SOMETIMES IN INDIA IF ONE IS DEPENDING ON ELECTRICITY.

I AM GRATEFUL AND HAPPY THAT I HAVE 24 HOUR UNLIMITED  HOT AND COLD WATER SUPPLY. IN INDIA, BANGALORE, I WOULD GET WATER ONCE IN TWO DAYS FOR TWO HOURS. I HAD TO MAKE SURE I WAS AT HOME AT THOSE TWO HOURS, AND FILL ALL THE POTS AND PANS WITH WATER TO LAST UNTIL THE WATER FLOWS AGAIN AFTER TWO DAYS.

I AM GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE FAST, UNLIMITED DOWNLOAD  INTERNET.
IN INDIA, THERE IS LIMITED INTERNET AND IT'S SLOW AND I OFTEN HAVE TO CAREFULLY CHOOSE TO DOWNLOAD WHAT AND HOW MUCH I WANT.

I AM GRATEFUL AND HAPPY THAT I DON'T HAVE TO DO THINGS I DON'T WANT TO DO AS I LIVE WITH A EASY GOING HUSBAND. SOMEONE WHO IS RESPECTFUL AND NOT BOSSY.

I AM GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE A GREAT BOOS TO WORK FOR; AN EASYGOING RELAXED WORKPLACE; NICE COLLEAGUES; I AM GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH NICE BOSSES AND COLLEAGUES IN THE THE PLACES I HAVE WORKED PREVIOUSLY.

I AM GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE GREAT FAMILY, SISTERS, PARENTS, UNCLES, AUNTS, COUSINS, ETC. DESPITE HAVING DIFFERENCES, ON THE WHOLE, THEY ALL COME TO HELP AT TIMES OF  NEED, TO PARTICIPATE AND PARTY IN HAPPY TIMES, ETC.

I AM GRATEFUL I HAVE FAIRLY GOOD MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH...SOMETHING I TOOK FOR GRANTED UNTIL I SEE NOW MANY MANY FRIENDS AND FAMILY, COLLEAGUES AND NEIGHBORS HAVING VARIOUS TYPES OF ILL HEALTH.

I AM IMMENSELY GRATEFUL FOR HAVING PEOPLE TO LOVE AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME. THAT IS SOMETHING WE ALL TAKE FOR GRANTED AND WE HAVE TO REMIND OURSELVES THAT WE SHOULD BE AWARE OF THIS FACT AND BE HAPPY AND GRATEFUL.

I AM HAPPY THAT I HAVE SOME INTERESTS IN LIFE AND HAVE THE CAPACITY TO ENGAGE MYSELF IF AND WHEN I AM ALONE. THANK GOD FOR GIVING ME THIS CAPACITY AND NOT MAKING ME MORE NEEDY THAN I AM AT PRESENT.

After living for 50 years, I think I should be able to come up with a million more favorites which gave me joy, pleasure and happiness.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

crow's nest in urban India

I always believed that nests are built of grass and straw which a bird finds in fields and gardens. But I had to change my belief when I saw a crow's (most probably crow...but not 100% sure) nest which fell out of a coconut tree in a semi-residential area of bangalore. It weighed about 3 kgs or more and was built of mostly short metal wires with only a bit of straw & cotton in the centre to make a soft cushion for the birds  and their young ones! The wires were so interlocked, it was difficult to take the nest apart! It was an amazing feat of weaving, done only with a beak and two legs maybe! If I had had a camera then, I could have taken a photo maybe.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Spring

Every year, some time in March, around morning time, I  feel happy for no reason. It is not happiness exactly but a feeling of lightness and optimism, a mildly intense energy and a mildly intense  desire to do something like travelling or playing or reading or cooking or some activity. I have tried to analyze why I get this sudden burst of lightness and energy every spring on one day. (Sometimes this feeling comes on more than once. But it is always in the morning hours, before 9) 
Is it because I am depressed during winter( maybe I am a mild case of SAD or seasonal affective disorder) and there is something in spring which triggers some biological mechanism in my brain? Does the sound of the birds, which was sort of missing over winter, have an effect on me? Or is it the bright blue sky coupled with the increase in temperature, the warm sunlight in the spring morning which opens up some 'happy' chamber in my head?
In India, a certain indefinable but distinct smell would trigger this feeling in me at springtime. It is a lovely smell  in the air outside….whether this smell is caused by the plants, trees and flowers or the soil I do not know. But this fragrence signalled the start of spring and summer to me and it also evoked these  feelings of energy, optimism and happiness. Usually I got this smell, only once and rarely more than once(in a year). It was a smell that came in with the early morning breeze through the windows at dawn. It was a bit earthy but I got this smell even in an urban place like Bangalore. This spring smell is different from the ‘totally’ earthy and heavenly smell one gets in Bangalore when it rains. Since I could smell this hevanly odor only once a year, for a few brief moments you can imagine, how precious this ephemeral sensation is to me!
I got that spring-feeling today i.e. March 7th, 2012  in Toronto. It was 

 that sudden burst
 of energy, optimism, lightness and excitement…for no reason. I wish I could capture that wonderful feeling and give it to others so they experience it themselves and know what I mean.

This wonderful fragrance also evoked from my memory,  poems I read in childhood which always evoked delightful ‘summertime’ & ‘holidays-from-school’ feelings ! The summertime-summer-holiday feeling is one of indescribable happiness, especially for someone like me who hated school , hated the punitive teachers and  difficult subjects such as science, maths, social studies, Hindi and Kannada!
I don’t think of these poems all year and suddenly they are in my head at spring-time! Spring time also reminds me of a few lovely pictures from the English poetry book, I had in school. I hope to add those poems and pictures to this piece, some time when I find them.
Spring time also triggers a different set of day-dreams and fantasies in my head. I day-dream the same stuff, year after year, with nary a change! I fantasize being alone in some remote place like an island, in a hammock tied to a tree, either reading or writing. I also fantasize going for long walks in dark forests and  in valleys; I think of walking along brooks, exploring caves and climbing mountains. I think of exploring old abandoned forts in the hills of Chitradurga & Tumkur. Exploring old ruins of temples and palaces in the various parts of India is another activity I think of in spring. For some reason, spring-time does not remind me of the sea or beaches. A new daydream added to my list recently is mining for precious gems and gold panning ! A day-dream I had in the past at spring time was collecting birds nests especially the lovely weaver bird nests in thorny trees and in wells. Now I realize it is cruel to collect the nests, especially the new ones and I dont even think of it.
I had mentioned in an earlier blog that every year, at the start of spring, I have at least one vivid and terrible nightmare involving exams!  I suppose this nightmare occurs at this time as I  had exams around March-April, almost my entire student life. And though I no longer have to write any exams, the dread seems to be permanently embedded in my sub-conscious and is roused every spring!
Well. This year I have not yet had that terrible nightmare. And hopefully I will escape it this year as I thought of it before it came in my dreams. These nightmares are so scary, that I wake up with my heart thumping and it takes me a while to accept it is only a dream! The worst one is where I have given back my degrees and decided to study science  and I fail and I end up having neither the old Arts &Humanities degrees or the new Science degree! Another nightmare is one where I have not attended a single class the entire year and I cant even recognize the questions or the content ...during the exam! 


Will I ever get over this academic phobias ? Are there others like me who have this academic phobia at middle age? I pray that every child enjoys school and does not dread academics like I did.


Some more nice times I remember from childhood summer holidays are that of finishing breakfast, taking a nice Enid Blyton book to the roof and reading  until it was too hot or I was too sleepy. Then I would come in to cool off or sleep. While on the roof,  I would read, pausing now and then, to watch  the  grey  lizards and the bigger colourful  ones scampering by  or the birds soaring in the bright blue skies above. The shrill screaming of the squirrels too would startle me at times. 
 I stopped my reading at times, to  search for woodroses hidden in the dense foliage spread over the roof and walls ;I was thrilled  when I found these lovely(but dead-looking or woody looking) flowers hidden in some part of the wildly growing creeper (and this woodrose creeper destroyed our roof and walls with humidity!).
Reading on the roof with a pillow between me and the wall, under a tiny shady spot, with a plate of  guava slices smeared with salt  & chilli powder beside me is still my idea of heaven.

Waiting for the fruit(guavas, mangoes, etc) and icecream vendors to pass by on the street, yelling their wares is another thing I remember with fondness.

I think I liked all aspects of spring and summer except the start of school !




Friday, March 2, 2012

The wire:Television series

 I was exploring books and television series and anything set in Baltimore simply because  I had a relative living in Baltimore and I wanted to know more about it. It was during this search that I discovered The Wire, a mind-blowing television series, set in Baltimore, Maryland. 

I bought the complete series(5 seasons) and saw it. All I can say is WOW!

Honestly, I cant say I enjoyed the show.....I admired the show's intelligence, depth, subtexts,dialogues,  acting, etc, etc, etc . But the emotions I experienced more than enjoyment were tension, fear, shock, anger, sympathy and sometimes a laugh or two.  The brutality shocked me and I had vivid nightmares during some of  the  nights I saw this show.
Of course, I did read up on The Wire  in Wikipedia and other webpages  and I shall not repeat that here. I am only sad that I do not have anyone to discuss ! My husband refuses to watch it and no one else I know has seen it.
The Wire is so good that it  can be used in universities and colleges to  teach so many subjects...sociology, psychology, political science/politics, economics, anthropology and so much more.


My dream is that  some Indian genius will do a similar television serial in India. There is plenty of material to make a similar show in India...the human trafficing, corruption in the government offices and corruption in politicians and in elections, the caste systems and it's evils, the communal riots, the list goes on.
The main  objection I have to Indian shows (at least the Kannada ones) now  is the clear cut divide between  good and bad characters in the movies or shows! There is no gray; only Black and White! The hero is all good and the villan is all bad.
The current  Indian/Kannada television serials, seem to be suitable for people with IQs of 70 and below.


The Wire  is the best but not the most enjoyable television series I have seen
American  Politicians, Police, Teachers, Policy makers and others who truly care about Americans should see this show and learn. I certainly learnt a lot. The Wire has changed many of the simplisitc notions and solutions I had in mind about the various ills in American society. Sad to say, it also killed what little  hope I had for the human race!

 I hope any of you reading this, see this show. What you learn, is definitely worth, the stress of watching this show. And please see it in sequence, so that it makes sense.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Returning to India

Going back to India is one thought I constantly flirt with. Often, I think of going back when I retire(at 65yrs of age) and spending time with my family and friends. But then I also have doubts about my ability to adjust to life in India…Can I tolerate the crowds, noise, traffic, the water shortage, electricity cuts, phone line breakdowns, standing in long lines for even simple things…Can I put up with the corruption, giving bribes every step of the way? Can I put up with people’s rudeness, the gender inequality(gender inequality may not affect me much when I am 65 I hope! ) the hierarchy even in places where hierarchy should  not matter and so many other things? Can I, once again become a ‘constantly vigilant’ person instead of being relaxed and trusting like in Canada? I took ages to relax in Canada and give up being vigilant;  If I return to India, I will have to  revert to being hyper-vigilant again, just to survive! One more thing which depresses me is the thought of having cockroaches, rats and mosquitoes again in my home and kitchen! And the termites. I do not mind the sparrows,lizards, geckos& ants which invade Indian homes, but I do hate the roaches and rats.
What are the other things I may have to put up with if I return to India I wonder? I may not get all the crime fiction thrillers I am addicted to. But who knows. At 65, I may  no longer be into crime fiction and I  may be  into philosophy and there are plenty of philosophy books available in India.
I understand that lots of American television serials are now aired in India and this makes me happy. I only hope they do not have too many ads  during these shows and stretch a one hour serial into two hours in India.
Food would not be a problem in India. I love Indian food and eating out in Bangalore is the one great joy I look forward to when I return.
I know, that I would have a fantastic time with my friends as we share the same tastes and attitudes and have similar sense of humor. In fact, friends & family are a major part of what I  I miss about India, especially the humor. I am unable to share jokes with my Canadian friends. I tend to be politically correct and hardly ever joke and miss the wonderful humor in India with my friends and colleagues.For example, the anti Brahmin jokes I poked at my husband(he’s a B) and the anti-Gowda jokes my husband and his friends told me(I am a G), are memories I still cherish. Since nearly all of the humour I enjoy is politically incorrect, my lips are virtually zipped up in Canada!
Passing time would not be a problem in India, as even simple things seem to take the whole day in India(Bangalore) thanks to the traffic jams, frequent electricity cuts which interfere with everything and  going to at least three shops to get one item.
There definitely would be no boredom in India as there is always something going on, even if things going on are more troublesome than good things. Accidents, strikes, variety of crimes, variety of things which will frustrate you, anger you but definitely not bore you. Even standing in long lines in India is not boring as you are constantly on the vigil to see that someone does not crash the line!
If I go back what would I do?  I want to enjoy life and not really do anything worthwhile such as eradicating illiteracy and so on. I am one of those who wants to enjoy life; I am not one of those who wants to save the world.
 I  have a few fantasies about what I would do with my life in India. One is I will open a book library and sit there and chat with the members of the library. I will ask my relatives abroad to ship out books to me and I will run this; It will be of great service to Bangaloreans who love reading English books and cannot afford to buy. I would love to run my library(or used book store) Of course, with the ebooks, I am not sure how viable this idea would be 20-25 years from now, in Bangalore.
Another dream of mine is to make a retreat on my father’s agricultural land(His land is useless for growing crops thanks to poor soil conditions and absent monsoons and absent ground water…even if you had ground water, there is no regular electricity to run the motor pumpsets and if you had that, you have people stealing the pumpsets, worth thousands of rupees. As far as agriculture goes, it’s a lose-lose situation.)
 I am hoping the water available would be enough for a retreat, even though it is not enough for crops. The retreat would be an unusual one with limited electricity, dry toilets, snakes and scorpions biting  residents who step out at night without lights; simple village food and no luxuries. This would be more of a military retreat than a comfortable luxirious one! The entertainment is climbing the nearby mountains, visiting nearby farms and observing agricultural work including silk rearing. Not much other entertainment here. Of course, you have the hot sun, blue skies, cool breezes, coconut trees, some agricultural lands to see. Nothing else.
Or, I could plant Tulsi plants (Basil)in large quantities and export it to Germany or some place (even in India, there is demand for Tulsi). Tulsi, does not need much water, it is in great demand by ayurvedic medicine producers and others and I am hoping, it will not be stolen by the thieves who hopefully will not find many buyers in the village itself. Or some other plants which will not be stolen by the villagers and which will yield money when I sell.
I could convert this retreat into a  Yoga retreat or an artists retreat where artists, stay for a few weeks, and do what they want…paint, sculpt, pottery, whatever possible.
Another plan is to travel all over India photographing places, temples, etc. India is fantastic and a million times better than Canada or USA, when it comes to richness of history, architecture, mythology, arts and handicrafts, etc.
A dream of mine is to collect local artifacts and build museums in all taluks which display history of that Taluk. I believe every village and taluk should be be represented in the museum so that everyone feels a sense of pride and belonging and feeling of  being ‘important enough to be’ represented in the museum. Museums which are free and accessible to all; which hive the history of our trades, agriculture, kings, castes, customs, food, clothes, history of true facts, even the ugly facts, will make people aware of themselves.
Spreading awareness about child mental health, the importance of not traumatizing kids is another thing I would like to work on if I ever settle in India. In Canada, there are several departments under various ministries and fantastic funding to take care of child mental health. But in India, it is rudimentary at best…the funding, the trained personnel, the policies, the resources are all so minimal, it is appalling.
Some things I would like to try out in India, when I go back there for good, which are a bit adventurous would include:
·        Sitting in an old sari and begging outside a temple. I want to know what type of experience it is going to be!( I will be a silent beggar. I will have an aluminum bowl in front of me and sit quietly without actually begging.)
·        Apply for something (which I do not really want) in a government office and refuse to pay the bribe and get rejected. And go there every day and ask again and again until I get what I want without bribing. (I may end up going there daily till my dying day and not get it!) I know of a guy who would apply for government posts, get selected and asked for bribes and he would use the opportunity to verbally abuse the people asking for bribe in the most sarcastic humiliating way! He was not really seeking a job but wanted to create an opportunity to vent his rage against these slippery thieves in government service.
·        Join all the strikes (especially for things I feel strongly about) and sit outside Vidhan Soudha and yell and scream or whatever.
The other things I want to try out are too illicit and I don’t want someone I know reading and so I am not putting those stuff here!

If I go back to India

Going back to India is one thought which I constantly flirt with. Often, I think of going back when I retire(at 65) and spending time with my family and friends. But the

Friday, February 3, 2012

My India


 I found this photo on facebook and I have so much to say about it. (I hope I have not infringed on someone's copyright by putting these photos and lines here !)

(1) This set of photoes  is supposed to be funny but I am not sure how many western(Americans, Europeans, etc) people will get the'  supposed' joke. This is such a culture-specific and might I add 'asinine' joke that I think only Indian asses will get it.

(2) This photo is supposed to be funny and this reveals the lack of dignity of labour in India. Even today, people are ashamed to be doing certain jobs and do not feel proud of working at certain jobs...even if those jobs are honest.
A student fails in his exams in school or drops out of school and ends up working in a cycle repair shop.....in India. This is supposed to be hilarious.....that the student failed in exams because he was taught poorly, because of poor support, because of dyslexia, ADHD, MR, etc does not matter. The facts that repairing cycles is an ill-paid job, repairing cycles is not funny, repairing cycles is nothing to be ashamed of, does not seem to matter....a guy repairing cycles, is  supposed to make you laugh. The idiots laughing at this guy fixing cycles perceive shame in repairing cycles to earn one's bread; however, they perceive no shame at all in corrupt government officials taking bribes. Can you imagine how disrespectful the ordinary Indian is to those lower down in the occupational ladder? Why everyone in India wants to be an engineer or a doctor and none want to be lower down in the hierarchy.

(3)Once again, a girl getting married as she failed the exams is supposed to be a hilarious joke.
A girl getting married because of or after failing in exams today, is something which is not happening with the same urgency as before. For one thing,  guys in 2012  demand to marry  a girl who has a degree at least,  even if the dowry given to him is very  high! For another, girls take the exams again as  girls now want to have an education/degree and a  job.


(4)The second photo brings to mind  several things I heard from middle class family adults in the late 80s and 90s in south India.....when arranged marriages within castes was very very prevalent(it is still prevalent but declining in  miniscule extent). Here are some of those nuggets of shit. The abysmal respect for girls and women is reflected in these comments.
a. That a plain looking girl should be married as early as possible, as it would be difficult to get her married later....when she is not only plain but older too.
b.A girl should  either be studying or married. She should not remain unmarried for too long, after she has completed her studies, even if she is  not interested in getting married.
c. I remember a nasty comment made by the younger brother of a girl who was doing Ph.D. He told his eldest sister, "Your younger sister was beautiful and so dad could get her a groom; You are not. You could not get a job either. That is why you are doing PhD now".
 This was such a telling comment for me! It reflects the attitude of the people towards women, single women, plain women and their disdainful attitude towards women doing PhD!  Asinine people in India seem to think that the only reasons  a girl does  PhD  isbecause she could not get married or  she could not get a job . That women do PhD to 'pass time' until marriage happens.
d.There is another item I would like to share here. I knew a  tall beautiful girl  who was married off at 17. Her mother was furious and anxious about her height and worried that she may not get a groom if she grew any taller and got her married when she just finished school! Can you imagine a mother being furious instead of proud that her daughter is tall ! How twisted can the attitude towards women be.


I can go on and on in this bitter vein but what is the use??? Unless asinine Indians change their asinine attitudes, India will be continue to be stuck in this mire of  feudal thinking.

crazy letters to editor in Indian newspapers

...We do not mind a massive blood-letting happening in the country if it is for the good of the country.

The above is a line from a 'Vishnu Sharma' in his letter to the editor in Rediff.com. I want to tell this guy,'Let's start by letting your blood first'.

Try this therapy:putting similar eggs in one basket

This idea hit me yesterday, while returning from work. It is an unethical idea  but it is something I would love to try out for maybe 6 months or 2 years.....after taking a few precautions to make my experiment  safe/ethical.

I have often heard my colleagues both past and present, moan about how difficult it is to deal with clients with borderline personality disorders and antisocial personality disorders;  how these clients/patients break up the mental health teams; how manipulative and difficult these clients are ; how poor the prognosis is and so on.

The IDEA:
A nasty but sensational idea, which struck me yesterday was this.
 Have a residence with only borderline personality clients (of approximately similar  IQ, education and  backgrounds). They have to live there for 6 months to 2 years. Each week, a few act as staff while the others are residents. And there is a rotation and everyone gets to be staff and everyone gets to be client for equal amounts of time. This should be  like the group homes that exist for mentally ill, developmentally delayed, etc in Ontario.

Visualizing, the BPDs interacting with each other in this hypothetical residence, is both amusing and alarming!
I wonder what the outcome of this experiment would be like? Would the least symptomatic get better but after a lot of bruising? Would the most severe borderline get better or get worse? Would there be gangs and a gang attacking another? This is a scary thought. (That is the reason, I wanted clients with same IQ, education and probably same level of severity of symptoms too).
I have never had the opportunity to witness two people with borderline personality  interact with each other. I would love to see it.  I have worked with three and boy oh boy! Just imagining the three spending an hour with each other is so scary and funny!

 I had said earlier  that this expt should be done with antisocial personalities too but I am  rethinking now.  I am not happy about this experiment with antisocials  for various reasons. Besides,  this ?experiment is already happening in the prisons to some extent. One can simply study prisons to understand how antisocials affect each other when they live together.
 But the one major  difference between my experiment and the prison would be that prisons have staff who are not  anti social  and the prison staff  are(I believe) a major factor, influencing the life and behaviours of the prisoners.

I definitely would not suggest this for any other diagnosis like schizophrenia, etc.

People with the same diagnosis do meet together such as in   group therapies ... but these groups meet for an hour or so , once in a week....they are not living together day in and day out, like in my idea.

Extending this idea, how would it be if  these people lived together, with no outsiders allowed into their enclave...
people with severe OCN
Kleptomanics
CEOs(of same level of power and wealth)
film stars
tantrum throwing VIPs
all the chief ministers of the states of  India!
The list goes on!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A man must have a code

A man must have a code
There have been a series of court cases going on for the last 70 years in my family. The court cases are mostly about a tiny bit of land (less than 2 acres) and share in use of a well. The dispute for land was between my grandmother and her husband’s kin (my grandfather died when my dad was a toddler) i.e. my grandfather’s cousins.
My grandmother is now deceased, my dad is in his late 70s and one of the two cousins she was feuding with has been dead for the past few years. However the dispute is still going on in courts! My grandmother’s defence is that she should have got her husband’s share of the landed property for herself and her son as she does not get any from her father as she is a daughter. She wants this land for herself and her son i.e. my father. The cousins do not want to give to her, her husband’s share of land as they want to hog it all or as she is a female and the land should go to males ; Of course my dad is a male but he was a toddler and they did not want to give land to a toddler.
This case has dragged on for several decades and lead to a lot of animosity, fights and even physical assaults on my grandmother and father. And this is not unique. If one travels over Indian villages, one can see millions of such court cases and land grabbing all over the country. The courts of India are filled with variations of basically the same case. And sometimes the fight is for lands as small as quarter of an acre.
Some interesting behaviours I observed as I watched these goings since childhood, include the weird code of conduct followed by my family.
My dad would go to the village to oversee agricultural work on our land. He would take me with him at times and as a child, I was made to stay in the house of the cousins against whom my father & grandmother had filed a case in court...the property dispute I mentioned earlier!
I was treated very well by this family and the women cooked special food  for me as I was ‘from the city’! My dad had  me stay in  their house as they would have been ‘insulted’ if I had stayed in other relatives houses…Insulted as they were the closest relatives, while the others in the village were distantly related or not of our caste.
My dad would not talk to his cousins but drop me at their house and go off to finish the various things he had to do in the various government offices. He would pick me up in the evening, while returning to the city. Again, there was no talk between him and the adults of that family.
When I  got married, my dad invited these cousins of his to my wedding. I am sure it was a gruff invitation (my dad did not mail the invite but went personally so as to not offend them). One of the two cousins attended my wedding and he left without talking much to my parents. Similarly, my parents were invited to their children’s weddings and they attended, dutifully. There was little or no talk between my parents and the hosts!
I can go on and on about the code of conduct they followed while dealing with  'enemies'  but I guess you got the sense of it.
Another major behaviour was the fact that these cousins looked after my grandmother when she was in the village after she had fought with her son, my father. My dad was livid that 'his enemies' were caring for his mother and there was nothing he could do about it! She refused to come back to stay with my dad!
When I tell these stories to my Canadian friends, they find these behaviours too weird to comprehend but it seems to make sense to me! The enmity is feudal and so long drawn out that there is no anger left now on both sides. Also, my dad bought more land in another village which has likely made him happy;  Yet he is unwilling to let go of this piece as it is ‘ancestral’ and he wants it for his children. None of his children i.e. us, want this agricultural land as we are all daughters, with no interest in agriculture or living in the village. Two of us are in the city and two of us are abroad and have no time at all to spend in this village and on the land.
 My dad himself was earning more in a month in his city job, than what he would get in one year’s yield from that scrap of land.Yet he does not want to let go of it. This is something you will see in India…. the almost biological love, some men have for their ancestral land or house . This land which is practically worthless and a headache for the pragmatic,  seems to have an iron  grip on those who are sentimental and romantic.
Currently, I am begging my dad to sell of his lands but he refuses. I know very well that when we need to sell, we will be selling at less than what they are worth as the buyers will know, we do not want to sit on the land for a better price...we simply do not have the time. But that is a different story.
You may be wondering why I titled this article as ‘A man has a code’. I was reading recently about the murders over property in Bangalore and Hyderabad. I am referring to murders of young children by their own uncles and relatives. I was so distressed to read this and wondered what sort of greed & brutality has seized people today. Imagine an uncle killing his brother’s son so that the property will revert to him. Imagine a little 9 year old girl being killed by her dad’s first wife so that the property stays with the sons of the first wife!
Growing up, I was pretty traumatized by the constant fights about the land between my grandmother and father. He wanted to give up on the land as he was so busy with his job while she pushed him to go to court and fight for it. I was so sick of this land dispute but today when I see what is happening in Bangalore …people murdering their own kith and kin for property, I think, my relatives were not so bad at all! They at least had a code!
Why did I write this piece?
The words, ‘A man must have a code’ in the television series, The Wire inspired me.