5.30am, April 16, 2019 morning...studying for an exam...when reading Carl Rogers Client-centered therapy, I realized something. For years I have been trying to describe what I feel about the west but could not put my finger on it. Now I got it.
The word I have been seeking for years, was right under my nose, but it didn't click until now.
The word is authentic.
The west or at least my experiences in Canada make me realize that the western world lacks authenticity...big time.
I kept using the work fake till now but fake is harsh and is not really what I feel about the west. There is a subtle but distinct difference between being fake and lacking authenticity.
Why do I find the west, 'not authentic'? I am going to list the examples of lack of authenticity rather than explaining why. Articulating why someone or something is inauthentic is tedious. Also I feel it's something I feel but the reader may not.
In India, people are obnoxiously rude and at times I prefer the authenticity of their emotional expressions in comparison to this all-the-time smiling! I can plan my next move, fairly accurately, with people who express their true emotions. I cannot do that with smiling people. Because of their smiling demeanor and conversation, I am lulled into thinking they are enjoying the interaction as much as I am and I may continue to prattle on happily! Canadians also don't disagree with what you say and I may wrongly believe that we are on the same page! Of course, in India, people can be annoyingly frank and say the most tactless things to your face..even if you are a stranger. That too is unacceptable to me. I believe that a polite expression of what you truly believe is the right middle path. Politely disagree and express your true belief. Don't sit, agreeing to the person, when laughing at him inside!
Here is another example of what I saw as not authentic, but I also sort of 'get why' and empathize with the inauthenticity. We got free tickets to a burlesquish sort of show. The women performed beautifully, the dance, choreography, songs, music was really amazing. I have never seen a show like this before and loved it. After the show, the artistes (all women), were selling souvenirs. What startled me, was the absolute expressionlessness on their faces. A few minutes ago, they were so lively and full of expressions and here they stood, like statues...with zero expression what-so-ever. I simply could not understand why. The only explanation I can come up with is that they were worried that the show-goers,(men) may try to pick them up if they smiled and so they decided to be neutral/grim.
Today, on BBC.com I saw this sad article https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/31a1b2ae-2373-45e0-9520-d651414779ad
It is about the death of a young DJ. Reading this article, my belief that the west needs to be more authentic and less worried about appearance is reinforced. This poor guy would be alive now, were he being more authentic. If celebrities, could lead more authentic lives, express their true emotions, attend to the needs of their body and mind instead of presenting an 'inauthentic' perfect front to the world, they would live longer and happier.
The relationship between celebrities and the common man through the media should change.
1) Public should STOP expecting their idols to be perfect ALL THE TIME. They should realize that even celebrities are human beings...they do look tired, have pimples, lose their temper, wear wrinkled clothes and it is okay for them to do that.
2)The media should stop their constant photographing and commenting and writing about the absolutely unimportant things about celebrities... their clothes, where they shop...God the banality of the media!
3)The celebrities should have the courage to not care what the public think of them(their clothes, their weight, etc) and do what feels right to them and not try to maintain an image. They should be authentic to their thoughts and feelings. There would be SUCH LESS pressure on them when they are true to themselves than doing what they think the public wants them to do.
,.,.,.,.,.
https://ca.yahoo.com/news/parents-starved-shackled-children-sentenced-075012481.html
The word I have been seeking for years, was right under my nose, but it didn't click until now.
The word is authentic.
The west or at least my experiences in Canada make me realize that the western world lacks authenticity...big time.
I kept using the work fake till now but fake is harsh and is not really what I feel about the west. There is a subtle but distinct difference between being fake and lacking authenticity.
Why do I find the west, 'not authentic'? I am going to list the examples of lack of authenticity rather than explaining why. Articulating why someone or something is inauthentic is tedious. Also I feel it's something I feel but the reader may not.
- People are polite and smile in public and at work places to colleagues and strangers. Even colleagues who don't like me, smile at me and they start a bit of small talk and compliments. I can only give a quick smile, a quick Hi and walk away when I walk by people I am not fond of. I simply cannot bear to stand and compliment, (for example) "what a lovely dress!" or continue chatting with them. In my opinion, smiling at and briefly greeting people you dislike is okay, but many people go overboard with people they dislike and that is the grating inauthenticity I am talking about. Years ago, in India, I wouldn't even look, smile or greet people I disliked. But I have changed after moving to Canada. I now manage to smile briefly and say Hi. This does not distress me as I have come to realize and accept that courtesy is necessary. But it's really uncomfortable for me to have a prolonged conversation with someone I don't like. I believe that is 'natural' and so I find it unnatural that people can converse so smoothly when in their hearts, they don't like the person. I believe this discrepancy between inner feelings and outward manifestation causes stress which in turn will have repercussions on physical and mental health.
In India, people are obnoxiously rude and at times I prefer the authenticity of their emotional expressions in comparison to this all-the-time smiling! I can plan my next move, fairly accurately, with people who express their true emotions. I cannot do that with smiling people. Because of their smiling demeanor and conversation, I am lulled into thinking they are enjoying the interaction as much as I am and I may continue to prattle on happily! Canadians also don't disagree with what you say and I may wrongly believe that we are on the same page! Of course, in India, people can be annoyingly frank and say the most tactless things to your face..even if you are a stranger. That too is unacceptable to me. I believe that a polite expression of what you truly believe is the right middle path. Politely disagree and express your true belief. Don't sit, agreeing to the person, when laughing at him inside!
- Everything in the west looks neat and tidy. The flowers look perfect, the vegetables are large. The trees (in San Fransisco especially) look trim. This look of perfection with unnatural quantities of symmetry was fascinating to me for the first many years of my life here. But now, for some reason, I prefer, to see and experience nature as she truly is... asymmetrical, ugly, not perfect, flowers with some dried petals, flowers with a few petals missing, trees with branches growing any which way, malnourished skinny trees and plants, etc.
- The striking lack of authenticity hit me on a trip to Las Vegas. I initially enjoyed and admired the people's witticisms, banter and lively talk...by people I mean the hotel staff, the drivers who drove us to various tourist spots, the helicopter pilot, etc. But after a while, I started wondering, 'how come everyone here is so verbally agile? So witty? So smart? "I thought that they should be on stage and felt sorry that they were doing jobs which don't earn the money they (or their wit) deserve. But after a while, I found the non-stop jokes a bit much....I wanted silence, brief and to-the-point-responses and thought to myself, ''please enough of the witticisms!" I was also shocked and put off by a few things. One was the way, a person, could switch off her smile in a second, when I declined to buy something and move on to the next person. The smile switch off took a fraction of a second and I was startled ! I wondered if I had done something seriously wrong.
Here is another example of what I saw as not authentic, but I also sort of 'get why' and empathize with the inauthenticity. We got free tickets to a burlesquish sort of show. The women performed beautifully, the dance, choreography, songs, music was really amazing. I have never seen a show like this before and loved it. After the show, the artistes (all women), were selling souvenirs. What startled me, was the absolute expressionlessness on their faces. A few minutes ago, they were so lively and full of expressions and here they stood, like statues...with zero expression what-so-ever. I simply could not understand why. The only explanation I can come up with is that they were worried that the show-goers,(men) may try to pick them up if they smiled and so they decided to be neutral/grim.
- When I was new to Canada, I would keep praising all that I saw. A guy from Australia, kept throwing water on my praises. He told me that the finches and other colourful birds flew in my backyards because of the bird-feeders put there by my neighbours. "No bird-feeders, no birds". He said that they ravines, rivers, forests in Toronto are all being 'maintained' and not much is natural. That the Algonquin is so colourful in fall as the trees have been planned and planted. It's not naturally growing there. Now, I feel that nothing is authentic or natural in the western world. Even nature in the wild is controlled, trimmed, chemicals added, things removed or added to enhance something or the other. Nature is made unnatural as the people cannot accept it as it is.
This lack of authenticity or unnaturalness can be perceived in a positive light.. such as making changes to attain perfection. But then, my argument is that, in the west, people only seem to want the APPEARANCE of perfection. They are not seeking 'true' perfection. The desire for VISUALLY APPEALING or PERFECT appearance seems to be greater than a desire for true perfection...whatever TRUE perfection is!
A lot of energy seems to go for packaging than the product and this is another thing which really pisses me off (pardon my French)
A lot of energy seems to go for packaging than the product and this is another thing which really pisses me off (pardon my French)
Today, on BBC.com I saw this sad article https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/31a1b2ae-2373-45e0-9520-d651414779ad
It is about the death of a young DJ. Reading this article, my belief that the west needs to be more authentic and less worried about appearance is reinforced. This poor guy would be alive now, were he being more authentic. If celebrities, could lead more authentic lives, express their true emotions, attend to the needs of their body and mind instead of presenting an 'inauthentic' perfect front to the world, they would live longer and happier.
The relationship between celebrities and the common man through the media should change.
1) Public should STOP expecting their idols to be perfect ALL THE TIME. They should realize that even celebrities are human beings...they do look tired, have pimples, lose their temper, wear wrinkled clothes and it is okay for them to do that.
2)The media should stop their constant photographing and commenting and writing about the absolutely unimportant things about celebrities... their clothes, where they shop...God the banality of the media!
3)The celebrities should have the courage to not care what the public think of them(their clothes, their weight, etc) and do what feels right to them and not try to maintain an image. They should be authentic to their thoughts and feelings. There would be SUCH LESS pressure on them when they are true to themselves than doing what they think the public wants them to do.
,.,.,.,.,.
https://ca.yahoo.com/news/parents-starved-shackled-children-sentenced-075012481.html
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