Adulting for middle-class, urban youth ( in Bangalore)

 Adulting for middle-class, urban youth ( in Bangalore)

Even since I discovered the word "adulting" , and read articles on adulting, I have been impressed that someone finally recognized what is going on, coined a word for this. Not only has Adulting been recognized, acknowledged and named, there are also classes on adulting! (in a couple of universities in Ontario, as far as I know)

What follows below, is about the need for adulting for middle class youth of Bangalore (I know about 50 youth here: relatives and kids of friends and neighbours).

There is a HUGE need for adulting classes or adulting for Bangalore middle class youth(BMCY from now)

Parents I know, seem to believe that their children have to succeed in life and that life would be IMPOSSIBLE if they failed

The definition of success for most BMCY's parents seems to be : become a professional such as a doctor, software engineer or dentist. Earn well. Go abroad for higher studies and settle in USA, Australia, Canada.. Get married and have kids, a house, car, etc

This is such a narrow definition of success .(It you study arts, and become an artist or work in retail; if you study social work and become a social worker, etc you are considered as "less successful" or maybe even a 'failure' in comparison of the youth who tread the narrow path to what is recognized as success. 

If you don't go abroad, you are less successful; if you are gay or prefer to remain a bachelor, you are a failure; if you cannot afford to own a house and you rent, you are a failure. You are a less successful youth if you study nursing or any paramedical science or get a Diploma in engineering instead of a Bachelor's degree in engineering)

This is how the mind set works for majority of BMCY parents. Therefore to make their kids succeed, the kids are forced to spend all their school-years,  studying and given no time to learn life skills, to play, spend time on hobbies and interests, etc. They definitely do not do household chores,  or do minimally. (Girls, have a little better self-reliance as they probably strive to escape patriarchal domination by learning skills necessary to become independent)

My friends' sons: I have 3 friends with sons, who have finished their education and are married and working now. None of these boys have ever (or rarely) done their own laundry, cooked, paid bills, swept or vacuumed their own rooms. None of them have contributed financially to the household once they got jobs and continued to live with their parents. (Incidentally, all three are living iwth their wives in their parents homes with their parents...I don't object to this as the joint family arrangement is working for these three guys..to most extent)Servants or mothers did these jobs...now their wives or servants do these chores. 

Due to various reasons, several skills such as fixing a bike which is broken, a household implement which is broken, is a mystery to majority of people in India. Fixing broken doors, windows, a leaky roof, etc are also skills which most people lack; It's not just a lack of skills: it is lack of affordable and available tools and most importantly, a lack of curiosity and interest in knowing how things work, why things breakdown, etc. I am simply appalled by the lack of curiosity I see in majority of Indian children. 

After the Modi government came into power, I have seen such a huge regression in critical thinking in India. Huge increase in religiosity, belief in superstition and scientific thinking and rationale kicked to the curb. This regressive mindset too has affected youth. Examples: Instead of studying effectively   (studying from the beginning of the course, clarifying what they dont understand, practicing, doing actual experiments to learn instead of rote memorizing), students seem to pray, offer money, etc to Gods and temples to pass in exams...they don't study but they pray!

People's lack of critical thinking is rampant and visible in all aspects of life, across all strata of society: even "educated" Indians lack critical thinking. Several aspects of 'adulting or learning critical life skills is impossible without critical thinking". 

Regarding the interpersonal life skills which BMCY need, but lack:

Communication: Communication skills are  not great in many families due to the interpersonal warfare going on in many houses and so poor role models  for BMCY (Most people don't seek help professional to fix their relationships) The patriarchy in many homes makes for terrible communication styles and interpersonal relationships between those who wield power in the family and the powerless. The controlling behaviours, rudeness, refusal to acknowledge when they are in the wrong, by the power holders leads to the same sick pattern of relationships and communication among the BMCY.

Social skills: BMCY are exposed to  role models with poor social skills. Housewives who are disrespectful to the servants; men rude, condescending, contemptuous,  & disrespectful to their wives, subservient behaviours by wives to husbands and in-laws while resenting them in private, and many such sick behaviours are witnessed by BMCY  all through their childhoods and teen years. How are they going to learn better social skills? They are also exposed to Indian movies and TV shows which depict atrocious behaviours. (because the producers think that decency is boring and atrocious behaviours is the only way to gain more viewers).

There is also the belief among the upper middle class that "we can hire people todo things. There is no need for me to learn" . This terrible attitude is one of the main causes of ignorance among rich BMCY and their families.

I have seen BMCY, with masters degrees in medicine, engineering, arts, etc who lack  basic life skills. They would fall on the developmentally delayed list, if they were administered a adaptive functions scale!

Another pet peeve of mine about BMCY is the narrowness of their interests and knowledge. There is neither breadth nor depth to their knowledge, whether it is bookish knowledge or practical skills.

I know of at least 5 BMCY who don't read novels, who don't know anything about the politics of the country or the world, who have zero practical skills and have always had a parent, servant or others do stuff for them. These 5 rankle me (they are nice youth actually!) a lot because, when I asked them, when they were in their twenties, what is their favorite book, and they said "Tinkle" ! (it's a comic for young children). If they is where their level of literature appreciation is at, God save India!

I am also aware of a few (thank God, not many) parents who are proud of their children's ignorance! ("My daughter does not know how to cook. Her husband cooks for her"; " "I never learned driving, we have always had a driver"; I dont know anything about taxes, My husband does all that")

How can you ever become an adult, in the true sense of the word, if you are proud of your ignorance of basic life skills?

Other major contributors to lack of adult life skills in BMCY are because:

Indian education system is failing youth of India

Parents are failing the youth of India. 

Indian government, the state governments are failing the youth of India

The mass media (movies and TV shows) are failing the youth of India.