S my cat: 15 years and 20 days old at time of death

S, my cat: born August 22, 2010- died September 10, 2025, 6.15am 

My darling cat, my beloved baby died 2 days ago in my arms, struggling as we tried to put painkilling drops in her mouth.

I loved him so much, I miss him so much, every room in my house reminds me of him.

I can't believe 15 years has passed!

If I could have him a bit longer

If he did not suffer that dental pain in the end

If he had only died peacefully in his sleep...

I am grateful for so many happy days he had in his life and happy that awful things did not happen to him (like my neighbour's dog which was hit by a car in front of my house...like my husband's collegue's cat which ran away..like my friend's cat which had been diagnosed with ptsd...)

I am grateful it enjoyed playing ball with me

I am grateful it enjoyed watching videos for cats on my computer

I am grateful it enjoyed eating the cream which I took from top of the milk, (milk which I heated to make coffee) put on a saucer and gave to him every morning and evening...ever since I discovered he liked it

I am grateful it enjoyed the walks in the backgarden with me

I am grateful it enjoyed chasing the squirrels in the backyard

I am grateful it enjoyed sunning itself on the grass or the rocks at the back

I am grateful it enjoyed eating the grass

I am grateful it enjoyed scratching the scratch pad

I am grateful it enjoyed the catnip in the scratchpad

I am grateful it enjoyed chase I gave it when it wanted to play 

I am grateful it enjoyed the running up the stairs

I am grateful it enjoyed the massage, ear rubs and head massage it got from me and my husband almost daily

I am grateful it enjoyed the company of visitors to my home

I am grateful it enjoyed the petting from cat loving friends who visited

I am grateful it enjoyed jumping into the bed with us in winter

I am grateful it enjoyed getting under the sheet in winter (It would paw me..i had to wake and lift the sheet and let it in , under...after a few minutes, it would exit from under the sheet..too hot for it? it was quite furry as it was a ragdoll)

I am grateful it enjoyed chewing on things at times

I am grateful it enjoyed keeping an eye on our backgarden and I dont think it enjoyed this but it was certainly fired up when it chased my neighbour's cat out of 'his' backyard!

I am grateful it enjoyed jumping on the bench in the mudroom and basking in the sun  mornings and evenings, looking at the birds, squirrels, racoons, butterflies in the back. I am grateful it enjoyed sitting in the bedroom and looking out the window...sitting in the bathroom and looking out the window at the buses and cars going by...sitting in the den and looking out the window.

I am grateful it would (rare) jump on the kitchen counter and explore!...jump on the dining table and explore...I am glad that my husband and I gave complete freedom to our cat and it was fearlessly exploring the entire home...no restrictions from us...some visitors wanted us to have 'boundaries' but neither of us wanted to restrict our cat in anyway...

I am grateful it enjoyed sitting on my chest and kneading

I am grateful it enjoyed sitting on my husband's chest and doing the same

I am grateful it enjoyed exploring the basement and hunting for mice

I am grateful it enjoyed chewing on a type of transparent colorful ball I got in Dollarama (it chewed it to bits!)

I am grateful it was such a communicative cat! It would mew...asking me to open to door to the mud room...if I did not open, it would look at me and the door alternately!...If I still did not open, it would jump on the door and seem like it was trying to open it! Then I would open.

It would jump on my bed in the morning and I would massage it....if it wanted the cream, it would walk away from the massage and sit looking at me... I would then go down, make coffee, get the cream and it would have the cream! I adore the fact that it could talk to me without saying a word!

I am grateful it enjoyed 

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I am sad it did not like getting it's nails/claws clipped every month ...but she was a wonderful lady, who did it so quickly and efficiently and painlessly!(20 nails in as many seconds!)

I am sad it escaped from me, ran into my neighbour's neighbour's, neighbour's backyard...on a rainy morning and I could find it only after 7 hours and by then it was so stressed out that it did not even come to me! It had been hungry for 7 hours, lost and god knows, how scared it was in that rain, in someone 's garden and not knowing how to get back home! But it was fine in about 3-4 hours after I searched and got it back

I am said that once, it chased my neighbour's cat and got into a fight with it...I am wondering if it got hurt? I did for sure when I separated them! I had to take antibiotics as my hand swelled where I got bitten by my cat as I was separating them.

I am said it hurt it's shoulder last year ..but the vet assured that it was a sprain and it recovered fast.

I am truly said it developed dental pain, suffered a bit at the end and died in fear....I truly regret this but dont know what else we could have done... If it was possible for me to take it's pain and my cat be pain-free, I would do that in a heartbeat.

Looking at what I have recalled and written,  I am so glad that my cat had more happy days than sad.

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Some qs in my mind:

Did it miss us when we were away on vacations? Ws it anxious? Lonely? Did it worry we had abandoned it? Or was it okay, with my lovely neighbours who came daily in our absence to feed, play and clean the litter?

Was it stressed out when I had left it at my friend's place (both my neighbours who took care of it died in the last 5 years, due to COVID) when we went on vacation? My friend and her family are cat lovers and took great care of it...petted it and took tons of photos and probably did more for it than me.