Skill development:The need for the right, context and environment.

 I have been living with another family over the past 2-3 weeks. 

Watching the members of this family, especially the 3.5 year old, I am realizing some new truths...new to me.

 I have discovered and in the process of discovering that some skills can only be learnt through experience and not 'taught' or 'read in a book' or learnt by watching youtubes on the internet. 

These experiences can occur only in certain contexts, places and among certain people and during the unfolding of certain events. What are these skills/traits/abilities? These skills traits and abilities are too numerous to note down here but let me try. These skills are like swimming or cycling...you cannot learn by observing, reading or simulating in a bathtub or static cycle...you need to learn swimming in an actual pool, you need to experience the water, the depth, the need to hold your breath, however difficult it is.

Skills:
(a)Accepting that you cannot get a new toy daily and (b) learning to be happy with a toy you have been playing with for a while: the 3.5 year old boy has parents who are earning in 6 figures and it's much easier for them to buy him a toy daily than spend several valuable minutes, calming him down and explaining that he cannot get a toy daily. The boy has accepted or learned after experiencing much distress the fact that he cannot get a toy daily or on demand.  He has also learned to be happy playing over and over again with the toys he already has.

(c) Discipline: It would be so much easier for the parents who are so pressed for time to yield to the boy's demands and make their life easier. They could save valuable time by  taking short-cuts such as 1) giving in to the boy's demands 2) using scolds or threats to get the boy to comply. Yet, they rightfully, spend several minutes at a time, explaining to the boy WHY he needs to do something,  WHY they cannot give him something. It causes them to put on hold several important tasks but they are taking the trouble and time to get the boy to comply with rules and be disciplined. 

d) I would love for this boy to learn, in addition to all that he is learning now, the ability/skill to live with less that what he has now, (e) be 'thicker-skinned' that he is now, (f) develop a higher threshold for different types of physical discomfort (tolerance for brighter lights, loud sounds such as the pressure-cooker whistles, etc) (g) higher threshold for being reprimanded, etc.  Thick skin cannot be learned or taught. It can only be developed with exposure to harsh conditions. Thick skin is so necessary as we grow older and have to navigate in a harsh and critical world. The ability to take criticism, harsh evaluations...whether they are accurate or not, jeers and teasing, etc simply cannot be 'learned in the absence of exposure and experience' ; this ability develops with exposure and gradual growth or  thickening of skin.