As a child, growing up in India in the 70s and 80s, there was no television at home (in Bangalore) The highlight of our life every month was a movie in the Navarang cinema theatre, close to my house. We would wait with joyful anticipation and the one movie we saw in a month kept us so happy and excited for days and days. I spent several pleasant hours daydreaming about the movie I last saw. The content of my fantasies and daydreams was replaced by the next movie I saw. I still recall the movie-plots, songs, scenes, etc clearly to this day, though I saw these movies about 4 decades ago!
If I could give rate the happiness I felt when I saw these movies or fantasized about them, I would rate it, 9 or 10 out of ten.
When in high school-college, TV came to Bangalore. We had a black and white TV initially. We had only shows by the government run Doordarshan and only from 7 in the evening to 11 in the night(..if I recall correctly). My siblings and I would finish our homework quickly and wait for the shows to start. Thinking back, I realize that shows were definitely not for children nor were they 'fantastic'. Yet, I was glued to the TV! I especially looked forward to the 'foreign' shows on Sundays, the Kannada movie which came on Sunday evenings and the award winning movies which came in the afternoon on Sundays. I loved and even recall the stories of some of these movies. Some of these shows include The old fox from Germany, Star Trek, Different strokes, I dream of Jeannie and so on. When we first got the TV I was so mesmerized that I watched everything! Including news boring to kids such as weather, news and agriculture programs in Kannada. I would rate the joy as 8 or 9 out of ten for watching the TV shows (a)on a black and white TV, (b)for limited time, on only one channel run by the government.
Later there were more channels and these were not run by the government. We could see hindi short stories, series, movies, several kannada TV series, we could see film songs of various languages and so on. I enjoyed these too. Initially I was loathe to was miss anything and wanted to see everything, though I had to choose one as they were running simultaneously on different channels. Even this was a great source of joy to me. But not as much as when we first got the TV... soon I became picky and saw only a few shows I liked.
When we came to Canada in 2004, we picked a black and white TV from the kerb, which had a note stuck on it saying,"Free. It works!"
We were thrilled! I was shocked that someone would just throw a working TV out! My husband and I lugged it home. We bought an antenna and could see a few channels such as CTV and global. Since we were unemployed and at home most of the time, I saw whatever shows were on and enjoyed most of them. I had not yet become picky and discriminating!
The day we informed a dear friend that my husband got his first job offer, this friend landed on our doorstep with the gift of a brand new TV! We then subscribed to cable. I now enjoyed the shows, in glorious colors. Gradually I developed a sense of discrimination and watched a few select shows and avoided the rest.
We bought a DVD player soon after we got this TV.
We developed a new 'week-end ritual' of visiting the nearby blockbusters store, borrowing a movie after a long search, then going to the pizza shop and getting a pizza & soft drinks. We would watch the movie, with pizza and that was one enjoyable routine we had going for a few years!
After a few years, we seemed to be spending more the 'right' movie and not finding any. Borrowing movies from blockbusters was initially a lot of fun (9 out of ten) but gradually lost it's sheen.
We then started buying DVDs of shows we liked from HMV and best buy and future shop. This too was a lot of fun, though expensive.
I then started making the mistake of buying DVD sets from Walmart just because they were cheap and then discovering that the movies are unwatchable (a set of alfred hitchcock movies for ten dollars for example)
I gradually stopped enjoying cable TV too. One reason was the excessive number of ads and another was the lack of time. We were tired when we returned from work and with having to cook our dinner at night, cable lost it's allure for me.
By now, we had discovered the joys of watching some shows on the computer via internet!
Then came netflix! I loved netflix! I saw many many shows on . netflix which I throughly enjoyed.To binge watch them on cold winter nights in bed was a really cosy, fun experience! A 9 out of ten sort of experience.
Now netflix too has lost it's sheen for me. There seems to be a lot of choice but none are to my liking. I struggle to find something I will enjoy and though I have netflix, I hardly watch anything. Also, I lose interest in watching the remaining episodes of some shows I started, despite the fact that the shows are good! I really admired House of cards and Casual and have stopped watching both of them and I cannot understand why I stopped. What is stopping me from watching these shows fully? I like them. They are interesting and fast paced...so why I don't want to to see them? Have you ever felt you don't understand yourself? That's what I am feeling now.
Anyway, the moral of all this is:
I enjoyed more, when I had less.
With the current surfeit of choices ...I am enjoying less!
Have-nots are luckier than the haves.
The have-nots feel joy.
The haves have the means to joy but not the joy. They are too blase...too jaded to experience it.
The deprived are not unlucky but rich...rich in their capacity to experience and appreciate when they get something.
The rich are actually poor...they have it all but what's the point in having when you cannot enjoy ? Your shelves are full of books but you have no mood to read them. Your fridge is full but you don't feel like eating anything...
I feel the same about so many things in life.
In childhood, sweets were made only on festival days or weekends if and when we had guests. Sugar was pricy and my dad bought it only in the government ration depot and not at higher prices in shops. I loved the sweets and ate them on the rare occasions they were made. The only time I had sweets outside was at weddings and gruhapraveshs. I don't think my dad ever bought sweets from a shop. Now I can afford to eat sweets...as much and as often and whatever I want. Yet. I am not eating them much due to worries about becoming diabetic, worries about gaining weight and son on.
The same goes for books...early days with limited availability, affordability and accessibility. Now with unlimited accessibility, unlimited affordability and availability. Yet the intense thirst for books I had initially is now missing. In the recent past, I have bought thousands of books, lying in my basement, unread. The urge to read is missing. But the buying continues!
I am writing this part about one and a half years later...March 2020, during the holidays we got due to COVID-19 Pandemic in the world and in Toronto. Right now I have more holidays or work-from-home-days than I want. I have unlimited time on my hands. I have unlimited TV shows to watch. Yet, this is not giving me "unlimited" happiness or pleasure. I am just going through the days with these emotions in my mind.
Feeling relaxed at times and feeling good that I don't have to wake early, get ready to go to work, etc.
Feeling terribly guilty that I am not working as I am supposed to 'work from home'. Feeling guilty that some staff have to continue working, exposing themselves to the risk of covid virus. Feeling guilty that I am getting paid though I am not working; feeling guilty that some people are losing their jobs in this COVID mess.
Feeling worried about my family and praying that none of my friends and family and even strangers fall prey to COVID or the consequences of the pandemic. consequences such as losing their job.
Feeling too lazy to do things though I have the time to do them...and there is plenty to do. When I motivate myself to do some house work for a bit, I stop as the urge to watch TV competes with the urge(urge caused by guilt) to work.
I did enjoy many things during this COVID-forced-holiday. I on netflix and crave; enjoyed playing with my cat; watching videos of my sweet nephews. I even enjoyed studying a bit.
Feeling bored by watching endless shows on TV; wondering why the hell, I am not having interest to read the novels I have at home;
Dreading the day I have to go back to work and catch up with the tons of work which would have piled up due to not working for more than a week.
The range of emotions include relaxation, guilt, worry, laziness, enjoyment, boredom, wonder and dread. I am sure I went through a lot of other emotions and quite a bit of 'neutral' no-emotion-moods too. The numerous paid holidays I got due to COVID, did not give me boundless happiness. The happiness was peppered quite a bit with boredom, guilt, worry. Like I said, the more I have , the less I enjoy.
If I could give rate the happiness I felt when I saw these movies or fantasized about them, I would rate it, 9 or 10 out of ten.
When in high school-college, TV came to Bangalore. We had a black and white TV initially. We had only shows by the government run Doordarshan and only from 7 in the evening to 11 in the night(..if I recall correctly). My siblings and I would finish our homework quickly and wait for the shows to start. Thinking back, I realize that shows were definitely not for children nor were they 'fantastic'. Yet, I was glued to the TV! I especially looked forward to the 'foreign' shows on Sundays, the Kannada movie which came on Sunday evenings and the award winning movies which came in the afternoon on Sundays. I loved and even recall the stories of some of these movies. Some of these shows include The old fox from Germany, Star Trek, Different strokes, I dream of Jeannie and so on. When we first got the TV I was so mesmerized that I watched everything! Including news boring to kids such as weather, news and agriculture programs in Kannada. I would rate the joy as 8 or 9 out of ten for watching the TV shows (a)on a black and white TV, (b)for limited time, on only one channel run by the government.
Later there were more channels and these were not run by the government. We could see hindi short stories, series, movies, several kannada TV series, we could see film songs of various languages and so on. I enjoyed these too. Initially I was loathe to was miss anything and wanted to see everything, though I had to choose one as they were running simultaneously on different channels. Even this was a great source of joy to me. But not as much as when we first got the TV... soon I became picky and saw only a few shows I liked.
When we came to Canada in 2004, we picked a black and white TV from the kerb, which had a note stuck on it saying,"Free. It works!"
We were thrilled! I was shocked that someone would just throw a working TV out! My husband and I lugged it home. We bought an antenna and could see a few channels such as CTV and global. Since we were unemployed and at home most of the time, I saw whatever shows were on and enjoyed most of them. I had not yet become picky and discriminating!
The day we informed a dear friend that my husband got his first job offer, this friend landed on our doorstep with the gift of a brand new TV! We then subscribed to cable. I now enjoyed the shows, in glorious colors. Gradually I developed a sense of discrimination and watched a few select shows and avoided the rest.
We bought a DVD player soon after we got this TV.
We developed a new 'week-end ritual' of visiting the nearby blockbusters store, borrowing a movie after a long search, then going to the pizza shop and getting a pizza & soft drinks. We would watch the movie, with pizza and that was one enjoyable routine we had going for a few years!
After a few years, we seemed to be spending more the 'right' movie and not finding any. Borrowing movies from blockbusters was initially a lot of fun (9 out of ten) but gradually lost it's sheen.
We then started buying DVDs of shows we liked from HMV and best buy and future shop. This too was a lot of fun, though expensive.
I then started making the mistake of buying DVD sets from Walmart just because they were cheap and then discovering that the movies are unwatchable (a set of alfred hitchcock movies for ten dollars for example)
I gradually stopped enjoying cable TV too. One reason was the excessive number of ads and another was the lack of time. We were tired when we returned from work and with having to cook our dinner at night, cable lost it's allure for me.
By now, we had discovered the joys of watching some shows on the computer via internet!
Then came netflix! I loved netflix! I saw many many shows on . netflix which I throughly enjoyed.To binge watch them on cold winter nights in bed was a really cosy, fun experience! A 9 out of ten sort of experience.
Now netflix too has lost it's sheen for me. There seems to be a lot of choice but none are to my liking. I struggle to find something I will enjoy and though I have netflix, I hardly watch anything. Also, I lose interest in watching the remaining episodes of some shows I started, despite the fact that the shows are good! I really admired House of cards and Casual and have stopped watching both of them and I cannot understand why I stopped. What is stopping me from watching these shows fully? I like them. They are interesting and fast paced...so why I don't want to to see them? Have you ever felt you don't understand yourself? That's what I am feeling now.
Anyway, the moral of all this is:
I enjoyed more, when I had less.
With the current surfeit of choices ...I am enjoying less!
Have-nots are luckier than the haves.
The have-nots feel joy.
The haves have the means to joy but not the joy. They are too blase...too jaded to experience it.
The deprived are not unlucky but rich...rich in their capacity to experience and appreciate when they get something.
The rich are actually poor...they have it all but what's the point in having when you cannot enjoy ? Your shelves are full of books but you have no mood to read them. Your fridge is full but you don't feel like eating anything...
I feel the same about so many things in life.
In childhood, sweets were made only on festival days or weekends if and when we had guests. Sugar was pricy and my dad bought it only in the government ration depot and not at higher prices in shops. I loved the sweets and ate them on the rare occasions they were made. The only time I had sweets outside was at weddings and gruhapraveshs. I don't think my dad ever bought sweets from a shop. Now I can afford to eat sweets...as much and as often and whatever I want. Yet. I am not eating them much due to worries about becoming diabetic, worries about gaining weight and son on.
The same goes for books...early days with limited availability, affordability and accessibility. Now with unlimited accessibility, unlimited affordability and availability. Yet the intense thirst for books I had initially is now missing. In the recent past, I have bought thousands of books, lying in my basement, unread. The urge to read is missing. But the buying continues!
I am writing this part about one and a half years later...March 2020, during the holidays we got due to COVID-19 Pandemic in the world and in Toronto. Right now I have more holidays or work-from-home-days than I want. I have unlimited time on my hands. I have unlimited TV shows to watch. Yet, this is not giving me "unlimited" happiness or pleasure. I am just going through the days with these emotions in my mind.
Feeling relaxed at times and feeling good that I don't have to wake early, get ready to go to work, etc.
Feeling terribly guilty that I am not working as I am supposed to 'work from home'. Feeling guilty that some staff have to continue working, exposing themselves to the risk of covid virus. Feeling guilty that I am getting paid though I am not working; feeling guilty that some people are losing their jobs in this COVID mess.
Feeling worried about my family and praying that none of my friends and family and even strangers fall prey to COVID or the consequences of the pandemic. consequences such as losing their job.
Feeling too lazy to do things though I have the time to do them...and there is plenty to do. When I motivate myself to do some house work for a bit, I stop as the urge to watch TV competes with the urge(urge caused by guilt) to work.
I did enjoy many things during this COVID-forced-holiday. I on netflix and crave; enjoyed playing with my cat; watching videos of my sweet nephews. I even enjoyed studying a bit.
Feeling bored by watching endless shows on TV; wondering why the hell, I am not having interest to read the novels I have at home;
Dreading the day I have to go back to work and catch up with the tons of work which would have piled up due to not working for more than a week.
The range of emotions include relaxation, guilt, worry, laziness, enjoyment, boredom, wonder and dread. I am sure I went through a lot of other emotions and quite a bit of 'neutral' no-emotion-moods too. The numerous paid holidays I got due to COVID, did not give me boundless happiness. The happiness was peppered quite a bit with boredom, guilt, worry. Like I said, the more I have , the less I enjoy.
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