Friday, August 17, 2012

advise to guys going into arranged marriages in India


My number one advise is that you do not say this to the girl after you marry her:

“I was not interested in marrying you. I was forced to by my parents”.

This is one disgusting sentence, many a bride has to hear, the moment, a minor tiff occurs between the newly weds.

·         Please develop a spine/ develop some courage to say   ”No. I don’t want to marry”  to your parents when they pressure you instead of taking our your anger against the poor girl after you marry her!  Even if you forget about ethics and decency, at least think logically….It is better to say No to your parents before you marry ; there is no logic in whining and torturing the girl you married, AFTER you marry.

·         (3)*Please tell your parents you do not want dowry/gifts/”a honeymoon” paid by your father-in-law.

Remember that the girl may keep quiet about you and your parents expecting dowry/gifts, etc but thinks very poorly of you. You would die of shame if you hear, what girls who give dowry think of you and your parents.  These are some of the things you and your parents were called by me and my friends who were discussing your rapacious greed when you loot the girls family in the name of marriage:

Bunch of losers

Sons of bitches


Greedy snakes

Dirty bastards

Family of whores and prostitutes.

The rest are unprintable.

Do you really want to demand dowry, when this is the opinion the girl has of you???

·         Remember, the girl’s father has worked as hard as your father. Why should he alone spend for the wedding? Why the hell cant your son-of-a-bitch father, share the expenses??? I am not calling your father son of a bitch, but one irate friend of mine is calling all Indian men, who do not spend for their sons’ wedding as bastards. I know she should be more polite but I also agree that you guys deserve it.

·         Another advise to the families of guys going in for arranged marriage is, “Please do not ask for a “grand wedding” when you guys are not spending  a penny for the marriage! The girl’s family is not a bank for you to loot! Do you guys have any shame or decency at all???

·         Guys. Please do not think you are being smart or clever when you couch your demand for dowry or a grand wedding in honeyed words. The girl and her family are not stupid and can read between the lines. They may be too polite to let you know that they can read your intentions. Please remember that whether you are crass enough to ask for the money upfront or to ask later in a veiled manner…it is the same. You are nothing but a ‘very demanding set of beggars’ or bhikaris as my friend and mother put it. If you want to be thought of as beggars, then go ahead and ask for dowry. If you want respect, then forget about dowry. The irony about today’s Indian guys is that they are so shameless that many openly say, they would rather have the dowry than respect as respect is not of practical use to them!

·         Guys, also realize that it is a very very humiliating and hateful process the girl goes through, when you come to her house with your parents to “see her”…….Girls hate it but have to submit to their parents wishes. Remember, many girls curse you and your parents, and if God exists, their curses may actually work!

·         After coming to the girl’s house, eating like pigs and going away, it is disgusting that you do not have the courtesy to inform the family quickly whether you want to marry the girl or not…you keep the girl and her family wait in a state of tension, for days together. Please do have to courtesy to inform, immediately.

·         Guys in the west, Please do not think that you deserve a beautiful girl who will bring a fat dowry and whose father will spend for a grand wedding, simply because you are in USA.

·         Guys. You should develop social skills and know how to interact. Most of my friends who had to meet guys when their families were looking for grooms, found that the guys going in for arranged marriage have miserable social skills, are poor at conversations(how the hell do they do their jobs as engineers, doctors, etc, when they can’t form 2 decent sentences?) and have no clue, about interacting with women.  These days, girls do not want to be married to a guy just because he is an engineer or doctor or whatever…girls want  husbands with social skills, ability to dress well, interact well with a range of people ….

·         And one comment all my friends have to say to the dozens of spineless Indian  guys in arranged marriages, who are making their wives lives  miserable…because they did not want to marry but were forced to against their wish by their retarded and evil parents…..SHAME ON YOU!

Here is another comment for guys going into arranged marriages….A girl from Andhra who married a doctor(MD medicine) was heard saying this to her friends on her wedding day,  “ We got him quite cheap. Only 18 lakhs!”    …… Are you guys a commodity to be sold to the highest bidder?

Guys going into arranged marriages……Please Please Please get yourselves a conscience, some morals, some respect for yourselves and for women, get yourselves some spine to stand up to your parents, get yourselves a reality check and PLEASE realize that you are not only nothing special but actually quite banal….

·         One thing, I cannot understand about both guys and girls going into arranged marriages is this…..when you do so much research before selecting  a course to study, or before  buying  a house or a car or even a simple pair of jeans, how the hell can you select a life partner, after seeing a girl/guy for a few minutes! Don’t you think, selecting a life partner deserves greater research…don’t you think you need to know your future life partner well , before you agree to marry….

You can always discard a shirt, which you bought in a hurry…it’s no great loss. But can you so easily discard the person you married in a hurry?  This is one mystery of Indian arranged marriages I can never understand. I have seen Indian girls relentlessly going from shop to shop to find the perfectly matching blouse piece for a sari…a girl can spend two days to find the right colour blouse for her sari …..and yet  the same girl, agrees or disagrees  to marry a guy after she meets him for a few minutes!

Before someone says, why are you not telling the same thing for girls going into arranged marriages, let me inform you that girls have a lot less freedom, even today in India…I have seen girls locked up and beaten for refusing to marry the boy chosen  by their parents. This does not happen to boys…they have more freedom.

Lot of Indian girls think that Indian  guys go in for arranged marriages as they are too lazy to exert themselves or too socially clumsy to find a girl on their own…. And they very well  know that all they have to do is  tell their parents the kind of  girl  they want and and their parents will find  many and aksk him to select one!


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