Thursday, October 4, 2012

Hearing noises

Hearing noises
Since the last several months, I hear various sounds when I am in bed at night. The ones I can remember right now are the sound of water running slowly or dripping.
When I am exposed to a white noise i.e. a continuous  sound made by some machine such as an air-conditioner, my ears seem to hear definite  Carnatic music  especially the  sounds of  certain musical instruments playing tunes such as the Nadaswara  during south Indian weddings! There is no music around me at night in my home or other neighbouring homes especially NOT Karnatic  music but I hear  these sounds and they are driving me crazy!
I simply cannot understand  why  my ears hear these  non-existent sounds at certain times and in certain places!  At nights, when in bed, I  often hear these imaginary sounds and I have  actually gone to the bathroom and kitchen to  investigate. Of course, there is no  dripping  tap .
I wonder  if I have some kind of a damage to my ears or damage to  the hearing  region in  my brain and  auditory nerves. It is only now  that I can really  empathize with the schizophrenics who have auditory hallucinations! They have to deal not just with noise but with voices telling them what to do and not do, voices telling them off or teasing them!
When  I hear the tap dripping at night, I tell myself that there is no  dripping tap but the sound is so damn real that I can peacefully go to sleep  only after  I check and actually SEE for myself that the taps are  not dripping. I try to tell myself that I should not yield to the compulsion to check but the sound troubles me so much that I cant go to sleep until I check the taps.
I am repeating myself here but as I said before,  I can only now fully appreciate the battle faced by those who have these auditory hallucinations!  A close friend of mine had once told me how he tried to deal with schizophrenia without medication. He told that he tried to counsel  himself that the voices he hears are imaginary and not real, that there is no one out to get him…it is only his imagination but he could not get over his paranoid ideas and disregard the voices ….he had to go back to the anti-psychotic medication.
I do hope the damn sounds in my ears , which I hear almost every night stop. I am getting fed up of them and fed up of being laughed  at by my family.  Maybe I should consider listening to music when I am in bed…this may  drown out the dripping taps in my head maybe.  I would probably not be so annoyed if I enjoyed the Nadaswara music but I dislike that instrument! And  people wasting water is another thing which  riles me up….so I cant accept the non-existent dripping taps either!


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