I read an article in buzzfeed a couple of days ago, titled, "15 things that people think are glamorous that actually suck when you are the one living them".
As I read this article, I realized that there are a zillion things in India which are romanticized but are, in reality, pretty awful, pathetic or underwhelming.
My list is long and I plan to keep adding to it as and when i recall them.
1) The idea of a big happy joint family, propagated by umpteen movies (Kannada and maybe movies of all languages from India. I have seen only Kannada and Hindi movies). Even if every single family member is "good" it's impossible to get along well in a large joint family where the modern values of democracy, women's equality, autonomy, freedom and independence cannot exist due to "traditional" values such as patriarchy, "respect for elders", blind obedience and zero questioning of elders, etc. I have come across miserable women from large joint families who have no say in anything in the household as they are 'youngest daughter-in-law', 'daughter of younger son in the family', son of never-do-well-son of the family, etc. The absence of financial freedom is simply appalling. I recall the distress of a mother, from a very rich business family, because her son who wanted to go to college was denied fees and asked to work in the family business after he finished 10th standard. many women had to hand over their salary to their husband or mother in law and then 'given' a pittance for their expenses.
2) That village folks and people from small towns are "more honest", more decent, etc. Crime in villages are varied and many and possibly much higher than in cities. But it's never reported, never punished, maybe not even recognized as a crime. The list is loooooooong! Exploitation of the lower caste people by upper castes. sexual assault even within families as women feel ashamed and embarrassed to report. the panchayat's blatant corruption and unfair judgement when cases come before them. It makes my blood boil, even recalling all of the crimes in villages. the crime which is affecting me personally are: 1) theft from my family's crops 2) theft of motor pumpset from 'current room'. 3) theft of fertilizer by farmmer who is supposed to fertilize your land (but he does his with your fertilizer) 4) the expectations of bribe from the bank employees in taluks, the land registration offices, etc.
3) The poor boy meet rich girl and fall in love and marry or vice versa poor girl meet rich boy...this is the storyline in a million Indian movies. I recall enjoying a movie in my childhood called auto raja. (rich girl and poor boy). It is simply impossible for love to thrive when one or both have to get used to adapting to live in a totally different (and poorer) environment. Poverty, riches or whatever circumstances...these things affect the development of our personality, thinking, attitudes, values, etc. To then adapt to something totally different because you fell in love with someone who grew up under strikingly different circumstances is very very hard. I now realize the impossibility of these romances.
4) Several old proverbs in local languages in India glorify values which are now considered immoral, unethical, not legal, misogynistic, etc. Yet, many people still love those proverbs and stories from the Mahabharatha, Ramayana, Panchatantra, etc and quote them. AND, expect today's people to uphold their values! I personally believe that these proverbs and stories should be BANNED. The list of antiwomen, anti lower caste, anti-democracy, anti-feminism proverbs run into hundreds of thousands...proverbs from all Indian languages.
a female should obey her father when she is born, her husband after she marries and her son in old age is one.
a son should value his mother over his wife.
the story of Ekalavya (and his guru Dronacharya) is one which really boils my blood: a teacher's blatant nepotism and partiality is not recognized and condemned in this story. Instead a lower caste kid who "accepts & obeys instead of raising his voice against his Guru's indecent request" is glorified!
I can go on and on. But I think I made my point.
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