Monday, August 22, 2016


Who is the real me? I am so confused!

In a single day, I am so different at different times, I am different with different people...I am different depending on my mood.
I am different depending on what I expect to happen and what actually happens.  I am confused ...which one of these is the 'REAL' me?
My husband thinks I am short-tempered, forgetful, messy & not a great cook. That's true.
My male friend thinks I have a great sense of humour, I am a great cook and I work hard. That's also true.
Some say I am careless, some say I am careful. Some say I am cheap. Some say I am generous.
 Which one of these many mes is the real me?
My mother thinks I don't know cooking, that I am lazy and generous. All of which is true.
My boss thinks I am hardworking and sincere. My colleague who complained against me says I am rude and disrespectful.
Some people find me slow and sleepy. Some folks say I am quick and dynamic. Both are right. But which one is true?

Some times I think I look cute. Sometimes I think I look old. At four a clock I may think I look old but at 5 I think I look cute. Did I really change so much in an hour...from old to cute? I don't think so. So, what is true...cute or old?

Some people like me. Some people don't.
Why is it so? Do some see the nice me and others see the not-nice me?
Are there two nice and one not-so-nice?
Am I one me or two me or many many mes?
Oh. I am so confused.

Which is the REAL me? The one whose hair was unwashed on Friday and  looked 'not-so-pretty' and whom the salesman ignored in the shop? Or is the real me, the one who looked smart in a mini-skirt and got the once-over, twice from guys?

Is the REAL me, the one  with schizophrenia sitting in the bedroom, brooding for months?
Or is the REAL me the one on Resperidone;  busy living it up in the city working and  partying?

Is the real me the lady with a post-chemo hairless scalp, whom people avoid or feel pity for?
Or is the real me, the lady with 'normal' hair and whose head does not disturb people?
How come people are disturbed by a lady's  bald scalp  a lot more than her brain-dead head?
Is my hair more important than my the people around me?
Is my personality and behaviour more related to my hair than my brain?

Is the Real me the one with downy cheeks, faint mustache & thick brows and
the Fake me the one with ruby lips, waxed-rouged cheeks, arched brows and thick lashes?

Is the REAL me, the lucid one with lucid memories and talking to the visiting grandchildren?
Or is the REAL me, the Alzheimer one who cannot recognize her son  and yells at the daughter calling her a thief?

Is the real me, the one who was fearful of her nasty professor?
Or is the real me, the one who stood up to her strict  father?

Is the real me, the one who was kind to dogs and cats?
Or is the real me, who made fun of her younger sister and made her cry?

Is the real me, the one who travelled ticketless from the airport to the bus station?
Or is the real me, the one who picked a wallet from the street and gave it to the guy who dropped it?

Is the real me the medicated one who did a great PowerPoint presentation to much applause?
Or is the real me the un-medicated one who 'fell sick' and avoided making the presentation?

Is the real me the one who gets wolf whistles walking down the street in a blonde wig, high heels and short skirt? Or the one dressed as a  nun, getting angry glares as I run to catch the bus?

Is there a real me, every minute...different from the real me of the previous minute the weather and temperature of a day cloudy, sunny, humid, rain all in one day. 15 degrees, 20 degrees, 25 degrees all in one day. If there is 'no one definite weather for a place, why should there be one definite , predictable me?

Is there really a REAL me?  Is the real me a MOSAIC of different parts? Is the real me, different at different times and ergo, there are several real mes, but all are different?
Is the real me a variable me? An unstable me? A 'not-real' me ?
Am I complex or simply dynamic, rolling with the punches and changing all the time  simply to survive?
Is the real me mercurial? If the real me is mercurial, can I predict what the real me will be like, when say, x happens or the real me meets y?

Is there one me? Or many many many mes?
Is there a mercurial me? Or a mosaic me?
Am I a different me with different people...Different people bring out the different behaviours in me...Am I a box of many mes and each person opens the box and dips in and brings out a different me ....My friends bring out the nicer relatives bring out a harsher cat brings out a loving me.....
Frankly, I don't understand me!


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